


My thoughts will echo your name

by lullys



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Community: samjess, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-22
Updated: 2013-07-10
Packaged: 2017-12-03 06:36:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 34,037
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/695309
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lullys/pseuds/lullys
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>AU. Sam goes camping and meets Jess. They fall in love, but faith strikes and they are separated. Years later, even though Sam has moved on with his life, he can't forget about her… but does she remember him?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Hello guys, this is my second SPN fic. It's gonna be much longer than the first, I had the idea for a story like this a long time ago, it wasn't even SPN related. So, I'm adapting it to this universe. So, because of that, it's a totally AU story. Sam, Dean and Jo are siblings and they travel around the country hunting with their father John (on the first part of the story). The pairing is Sam/Jess. It's basically a love story with some obstacles in the middle (of course). Since I'm not a native English speaker, I apologize for any mistakes I make. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy this fic, I have some good ideas but I don't know 100% what will happen, I'll just try to go with it. Comments are so welcome, I'd love to know what you think! This chapter won't be very long, it's just to introduce the story actually.
> 
> Oh btw, I don't know how often I'll be posting, maybe I'll choose a day of the week, I'll see.

**May, 2001 - San Diego, CA**

"Come on, Sam, they'll be here any minute!"

"I'm coming!"

Jo was leaned against the Impala, waiting. Sam finally appeared at the door of the motel room, carrying a suitcase, a tent and a backpack.

"You know Sam, it's only 4 days, it's not like we'll be gone for a month."

Dean, who was coming out behind Sam, laughed.

"That's because Sammy is such a girl."

Sam rolled his eyes.

"We're going camping, we're supposed to take a lot of stuff."

"Okay, Samantha."

Jo turned to him.

"You sure you don't wanna come, Dean? It'll be fun!"

"No, no, I don't do camping. I'd rather stay here and find some chicks to have some fun while Dad's gone, thank you very much."

"If you say so."

They heard a car coming closer.

"The guys are here, time to go."

Sam, Dean, Jo and John were in San Diego, and John was on a hunt. Sam and Jo were going to the local school, Sam was a senior and he had made some friends there. It was almost summer, and they had invited him and his brothers to go camping with them on San Elijo State Beach. Sam was actually excited with the idea, they always spent most of their time in the motel room if they were not helping John with the hunt, and that was the case now. It was a good opportunity to do something else, and – why not – have some fun.

Jo was very excited with the idea, but Dean passed. He kinda imagined his brother wouldn't wanna go, he wasn't a huge fan of the outside. His idea of fun was chasing after girls in bars, he was a babe magnet, all the girls just loved him. Sam was more reserved, he wanted to meet a good girl, fall in love and have a good story with her. Maybe someday he'd find the girl of his dreams.

The guys parked next to the Impala, and Sam put their luggage inside the trunk. Matt, who was in the passenger seat, leaned out of the window.

"Hey guys! Are you kids excited? This will be so much fun!"

Jo gave him a huge smile and approached him.

"Of course I am… this will be amazing…"

Sam knew that look on her face. He'd have to keep an eye on his little sister. He turned to Dean.

"Okay, time to go. I wish you were coming, but I know you."

"Yeah Sam, I'm glad you do and I don't have to explain myself."

Jo came towards them and gave Dean a hug.

"I'll miss you so much, big brother!"

Dean rolled his eyes.

"Okay, no chick flick moments here, nobody is dying, it's only four days."

Jo went back to the car and Dean put a hand on Sam's shoulder.

"Have a good time there, little brother. And keep an eye on Jo, I do not like the way she's looking at that guy over there."

Sam laughed.

"Don't worry, I'll do my best. But you know, she's already 16, we'll have to get used to that eventually…"

"Not while I'm breathing."

They heard a honk.

"COME ON SAM, WE'RE WASTING PRECIOUS TIME!"

Sam turned to Dean.

"okay, time to go. Have fun and don't do anything I wouldn't"

"HA! That was a joke, right Sam?"

"Bye Dean."

He got into the back seat with Jo and they took off.

They got to the beach at sunset, the rest of the guys arrived right after them, and they started pitching the tents. Sam had bought a small one, and he was sharing with Jo.

After the camp was set, Sam and some of the other guys decided to take a walk, and Jo preferred to stay behind to get to know the girls.

A little further ahead, there was another group camping.

Bill was excited.

"Let's go there to make new friends!"

Matt pushed him.

"You don't fool anyone, you just wanna go there to see if there's any hot chicks."

"Yeah, who am I kidding. Come on, let's go!"

He ran towards the other camp, and all the guys followed them. Sam wasn't very fond of the idea, but he went along.

The guys approached the other group, but Sam stayed a little behind. Then, he felt someone bumping heavily against his side.

"Can't you see where you're going?"

The girl blushed and her eyes widened when she looked up.

"oh my God, I'm so sorry, I was talking to a friend and didn't see you there…"

But Sam wasn't listening anymore. All he could see was those rosy cheeks and blue eyes staring at him. He opened his mouth and tried to get something out.

"Hi, I'm… I'm Sam."

She gave him a shy smile.

"I'm Jess."


	2. Chapter 2

He shook her hand. It was very soft.

"Hey Jess… it's very nice to meet you."

"Nice to meet you too, Sam." She was blushing even more. Sam wished his face wasn't red.

"So, Sam… are you also camping or just passing by?"

"I'm camping… My friends and I just got here… what about you?"

"I'm in this camp right here, also with my friends… we got here yesterday."

He just couldn't stop looking at her. Her eyes were sparkling, her voice was like a sweet music… what was happening to him?

**

Jess was looking at that huge man, and she was trying to keep her voice steady, so he wouldn't notice how nervous she was. Where did that come from? When he introduced himself, he smiled at her, and all she could see were dimples… Jesus, what was that man? There was no such thing back home…

But there was more to him than the stunning look… his eyes were so kind… when she looked at them, she had that feeling she could trust this man, even though she knew nothing about him.

He smiled at her again.

"So Jess… I guess our friends are a little busy getting to know each other, so what do you say we go for a walk?"

I'd go to hell with you, she thought, and mentally slapped herself. What was that? She didn't even know this guy! But she would.

They walked for a while, they were very shy, so they were quiet for most of the time. But it wasn't awkward as she thought it would be, when it started getting dark, they went back closer to the camp, and ended up sitting on the sand.

They just stared at the water for a while. There was a full moon, so it was a bright night. They were very close, and Sam looked at her, and she could see the moon reflected on his eyes. She felt he was looking at the same thing on hers. She didn't know what to say, and apparently, neither did he. She barely knew this guy, but she was feeling strongly connected with him. Like there was nowhere else in this world she was supposed to be right now.

He gently touched her face, and his touch sent chills through her entire body. Still looking deeply into her eyes, he leaned closer to her and gently pressed his lips against hers.

**

Sam's whole body was on fire. He didn't know what was happening to him, he had never felt like this before. When he first lay his eyes on Jessica, it was as if they had met before. When they were walking on the beach, it was like there was only the two of them in the whole world. He couldn't see anybody else. They didn't even have to say much. There were no words for this.

When they were sitting together, he looked at her eyes and could see right through them, as if he was reaching her soul. He couldn't resist, it was like there was an invisible force pushing him towards her. He gently put his hand on her face, it was so soft. He leaned in to kiss her, and pressed his lips on hers. She had the sweetest lips. He opened his mouth, inviting her tongue in. She accepted the invitation, and explored his mouth. Their tongues were tangling, he put one hand on her back and the other on the back of her head. The kiss deepened, he didn't wanna let her go, ever, he wanted to have her in his arms forever.

But suddenly, she pushed him away. He looked at her confused.

"What's wrong Jess? You… didn't like it?"

He felt terrified. What if she wasn't feeling the same…

But she gave him a shy smile.

"No Sam, it's not that… it's just… it's happening so fast, I just met you… and I don't know what's happening to me, I've never felt this before!"

"So you feel it too? I'm not going crazy here?"

"Yes, I feel it… but I'm scared… as I said, we've just met…"

He smiled at her.

"I don't know what this is Jess. I haven't felt this before either, but when I first lay my eyes on you… it was like we had met before, I don't know, I feel something so strong… I don't wanna let you go."

She smiled again, and this time she appeared to be more relaxed. She leaned against him, and he put her arms around her.

"We don't have to go anywhere."

**

Sam woke up the next morning with a smile on his face. He stared at the tent's roof and starting remembering last night's events. Jess and him had stayed together at the beach for a while, he kissed her again, and again, he could kiss her his whole life and it wouldn't be enough. She smelled like roses and sunshine. Then they went back to Sam's camp and he introduce her to his friends. Jo had a look on her face that said "wow Sam, I thought Dean was the one who went after the chicks", but she had no idea. Nobody had and he couldn't even begin to explain. They all had eaten some sandwiches, and talked for a while, Jess got along right away with everybody, she was very easy-going, whenever one of the guys told a joke, she'd truly laugh, and the sound of it made Sam's heart fly. He wanted to hear the sound of this laugh for his entire life. For the whole time they spent with his friends, he kept his arm around her, and she rested hers on his leg. After a while, they decided to leave the guys and sat closer to the ocean. Sam didn't know how long they stayed there, all he knew was he wanted to be with that girl forever.

A head appeared at the tent's entrance. It was Matt.

"Hey there Sleeping Beauties! Planning to stay there all day long? It's a beautiful morning!"

Jo woke up and smiled at him.

"No, of course not… thanks for coming waking us up…"

"So, the guys are planning to go around, visit the places, having a fun day exploring everything, we're leaving in 30 minutes, come on!

Sam wasn't very fond of the idea, he wanted to spend the day with Jess, and was about to say he wasn't going when Matt continued.

"By the way Sam, the guys from the other camp are coming with us, and so is your girl."

Ok, he was convinced.

Sam changed and helped the guys to get everything ready. The girls prepared some sandwiches and packed some snacks for them to eat.

They headed towards the other camp and Sam spotted Jess immediately. She saw him too, and came towards him. He kissed her on the lips.

"Good morning beautiful! Did you sleep well?"

She gave him the prettiest smile.

"I did… but I couldn't wait to see you again!"

"Neither could I… but guess what, looks like we have a day full of adventures waiting for us…"

He preferred to stay alone with her, but it would be good to hang out with everybody… and since she was coming too, he could deal with it.

They spent an awesome day together. They took a trail that led to an ecological preserve, where they could see a lot of marine birds. Then, they headed to San Elijo Lagoon, and hung around for a long time. It was really beautiful there. They spent almost all day long visiting all the places. Jo was taking some pictures, and she took one of Sam and Jess at the lake.

**

They headed back to the camp at sunset, and after they showered and changed the clothes, they had a barbecue. The only thing bothering Sam was that Jess and him didn't have a moment alone during the whole day. But at least they had stayed together all the time, and everytime there was a chance, he'd steal a kiss from her. It was incredible, he had only met this girl yesterday, and he could say he was already in love with her. He didn't believe in such thing as love at first sight, but there was no other explanation. He needed her by his side, he had to touch her, feel her scent. He needed this girl in his life.

The barbecue went on until after midnight, and after that, they had a bonfire at the beach. Jess sat next to Sam, and he put his arms around her. The guys were singing and playing the guitar, it was very nice. After an hour, Jess' friends started going back to their camp to sleep, and Sam's friends were doing the same, they were all very tired. Before going to his tent tho, Sam took Jess' hand and walked with her further away from everybody.

"I'm sorry we didn't spend any time alone today… but tomorrow we'll have all day long to ourselves."

She smiled and got closer to him.

"That was okay, I had a lot of fun, and even though there was no privacy at all, at least we were together. It was amazing Sam, and it's amazing being with you. I cannot wait for tomorrow…"

He smiled and wrapped his arms around her.

"Me neither…"

He brushed his lips against hers, relishing that moment, taking her scent in as much as possible, he wanted to feel she was real and not just imagination, it seemed impossible that he had found such an amazing girl. He wanted to carve that feeling in his brain forever. He kissed her passionately, his tongue exploring her mouth, she tasted so sweet. It was like they were made to complete each other, their mouths fit each other perfectly, his arms fit around her perfectly. This was the girl of his dreams, he was completely sure about that now.

He took her back to her camp. He wished she would sleep with him in his tent, but he wouldn't dare ask, it was not like he was planning to do anything, but still, he felt she was different, so he wouldn't dare ask. Before leaving, he turned to her.

"Jess, I know we've just met, but like I said, I've never felt like this before. I feel like I know you all my life, and even though it's scary, it's the most beautiful thing I've ever felt. I don't want you to forget that."

She hugged him tight. "How can I forget if I feel the exact same way? I'll never forget this."

He didn't want to let her go, but he finally gave her a good night kiss and went back to the camp.

Sam dreamt about her all night, and when he woke up, he spent some tome lying down and thinking about this amazing girl that in only 2 days, already had his whole heart. He couldn't wait to spend the whole day with her, and he realized he barely knew anything about her. Damn, he was in love with this girl and didn't even know her last name, or where she lived, what she did… he wanted to find out more about her, so he made a mental note to ask her that stuff when they met today.

Jo was still sleeping, and he got out of the tent. He was thinking about going to Jess' camp to see if she was already up, when he heard Bill's voice behind him.

"Hey Sam!"

"Morning Bill, what's up?"

"It's good that you're up! I need to go to the city and buy some stuff we're short of, we really ate and drank a lot at the barbecue yesterday… ad things here are expensive, it's better if we have a trip to the market to buy those things… all the other guys are still sleeping, would you mind coming with me to give me a hand?"

Sam wasn't so sure, he really wanted to go and see Jess…

"I don't know Bill, why don't you ask Matt or…"

"Come on, man! We'll only be gone for an hour or 2… it won't take long, I promise, we'll be back before you know it!"

"Okay, let me change, talk to Jo and we can go…"

**

Jess woke up with a smile on her face, Sam was there in her dreams, and she was glad it was already morning, so she could hurry to his camp and spend the whole day with him. Then, she saw someone coming inside her tent. It was her friend Kate, and she looked worried.

"Jess, we're gonna have to go."

She sat up.

"What happened Kate? Why?"

"David's father had a stroke, he called home and his mom told him, it's pretty bad, he's at the hospital. The guys are already starting to pack, we feel like we have to be with him, to support him you know…"

Jess didn't think twice. David was a good friend.

"Of course we have to be with him, let's go. I'll pack my stuff."

And then, she remembered Sam.

"Oh God… Kate, there's Sam, I have to let him know… I'll go to the other camp to talk to him and explain the situation, I won't take long."

Jess felt horrible for leaving Sam, all she wanted was to spend these days with him, but she had to be there for her friend. She would explain it to him, and they'd be in touch. She didn't know where he lived yet, she wish it was somewhere close.

She arrived at the camp and found Jo sitting outside their tent.

"Hey Jo, is Sam in there?"

"Hi Jess, Sam's not here, Bill and him went to buy some groceries for us… but is something wrong? You look worried…"

Her heart sank.

"Yeah, My friend's father had a stroke, and we're gonna have to leave… I wanted to say good bye to Sam before I go…"

"Oh, I'm sorry to hear this… I think they'll take a while though, they left 15 minutes ago…"

She was almost in tears. She couldn't believe she wouldn't be able to say good bye to him…

"Jo, do you have a piece of paper?"

Jo gave it to her, along with a pen. She wrote down her phone, and gave it back to her.

"Jo, could you give this to Sam when he gets back? It's my number, and please explain to him why I had to leave… tell him… tell him it was amazing."

What else she could say? Tell him I'm in love with him? Tell him I want to spend the rest of my life with him, that nobody made me feel this way before? She couldn't say that to Jo, she had to tell Sam…

"Yeah, no problem Jess, I'll give it to him… I'm sorry about what happened, I hope everything works out…"

She couldn't say anything else, she was in the verge of tears. With a final glance to his tent, she headed back to her camp, packed her stuff, and they all left.

**

Jo put the piece of paper with Jo's number in the back pocket of her shorts. She felt bad for her, and Sam would be sad when he returned, he really seemed to like her…

She spent some time lying in front of the tent listening to some music in the CD player, she was starting to get hungry and was thinking about getting something to eat when Matt came out of his tent. God, he was cute… She wondered if he had noticed her… She stopped the music.

"Hey Matt!"

He smiled and came towards her.

"Hey there little Jo! What a lovely sunny day! You wanna go for a swim?"

How could she refuse that?

"Of course, let me just get changed…"

But he wouldn't wait, he picked her up in his arms (wow, he was so strong!) and hurried to the water. He only let her go when they were inside it, and they went deeper until the water was up to their chests. She splashed water at him.

"Hey, what was that for?"

She laughed.

"You're such a jerk! You didn't even gave me time to change, I'm in the water with my clothes on…"

Her expression changed.

"What happened Jo?"

She felt her stomach drop.

"OH NO, NO, NO!"

She reached her back pocket, but she had no hope. She took out the piece of paper, or what was left of it. It fell apart on her hands, she couldn't read the number anymore.


	3. Chapter 3

Sam was anxious. He was helping Bill with the groceries and couldn't wait to get back to the camp, he had a weird feeling, he wanted to see Jess as soon as possible. He asked Bill to drive, and hurried back to the beach as fast as he could. That feeling he had, that something was not right, wouldn't leave him.

They got to the camp, Sam helped Bill with the groceries and was about to go see Jess when Jo came running to him, with tears in her eyes. Oh fuck.

"Jo, what's wrong?"

She could barely speak.

"Sam, I'm so so so sorry!"

"What the hell happened, Jo?"

She was sobbing, and the words wouldn't come out. Sam grabbed her arms and sat with her on a bench.

"Jo, you need to calm down and tell me what happened, please!"

She took a deep breath.

"Sam, I'm so sorry… you're gonna hate me forever when you hear this…"

Ok, now he was deeply worried. He stared at her, waiting.

"Jess came by this morning… you had left like 15 minutes earlier… she was worried, she said that the father of one of the guys camping with her, had a stroke, and they'd have to leave right away… and she came here to talk to you and say goodbye…"

Sam closed his eyes. Jess was gone. He wasn't gonna spend the day with her, she was gone. If he hadn't gone with Bill, he would at least have said goodbye to her…

"Jo, did she leave her number or something so I can contact her?"

"Y-yeah…"

But she turned pale… something was very wrong here.

"Okay, so give it to me, please."

She started sobbing again.

"I'm so sorry Sam, you're gonna hate me forever for this… I don't have the number anymore. I had put it in my back pocket, and I forgot about it, and then Matt came and carried me to the water… and when I remembered the paper it was too late… it was already destroyed. Sam you have no idea how miserable I'm feeling right now… You can hate me as much as you want, I understand…"

Sam was barely listening anymore. His heart sank. He got up and walked away from Jo, she called him but he wanted to be alone. He sat at the beach and stared at the ocean.

Jess was gone, and he had no ways to contact her. He cursed himself for going with Bill for those stupid groceries, if he hadn't, she would have talked to him. He cursed himself for not asking more about her, where she lived, where she studied, her last name… and now she was gone, he had no idea where, there was absolutely no ways to contact her.

He thought about the last time he had seen her, how he had kissed her and said that today they'd be able to stay together all they long… and he would finally ask more about this girl who, in only 2 days, made him feel something he never had before. And now… she was gone, and he wasn't even able to say goodbye to her.

Tears were rolling down his face. What was he supposed to do now? Forget? Forget those blue eyes, those rosy cheeks, that blonde hair that smelled like roses and that voice that was like listening to the most beautiful of the songs… forget the way he felt when he was looking at her, like he was looking at the sun? Forget how that girl made him feel, like nothing else mattered in the whole world, but being with her?

How could he forget? In only two days, he was sure this girl was his true love, and he knew he would never be able to feel the same way about anyone.

Now she was gone and it was unlikely that he was gonna see her again.

It would be impossible to forget. Jess had changed him forever.

**

**Two days later**

They were all set and ready to leave. Sam couldn't wait to get the hell out of San Elijo. The last two days were like hell to him. He couldn't stop thinking about Jess even for a second, and everything in that place reminded him of her. He barely talked to anyone, he wanted to be left alone. Jo didn't force him to do anything and he was glad. He was kind of avoiding her. He knew it wasn't her fault, but he couldn't look at her, he needed some time. He felt like a part of him was missing, and he was scared to death that he was never getting it back.

The trip back took forever. Every blonde girl he saw, he would check to see if it was Jess. He wondered if was always gonna be like this.

When they arrived at the motel, Dean welcome them with a smile.

"Hey guys! It was about time! How was the trip?"

Jo looked at Sam.

"It was okay Dean, we had a good time… nothing much, it was good to take some time off."

"And you didn't meet any girls there Sammy? No sex in the tent?"

Sam took a little time to answer. What was he supposed to say? That he met the love of his life, spent two amazing days with her, but now she was gone and he had no idea where? He decided he didn't wanna tell Dean about Jess, he didn't want anyone to know. Jo knew about her, but she didn't know how deep were his feelings. He wanted to keep this only to himself.

"No, I didn't meet anyone."

Jo stared at Sam in disbelief, but Dean didn't notice it.

"You're such a girl Sam, you should have stayed here, I met a lot of chicks…"

Sam gave him a half-smile.

"That's great, Dean."

He was getting suffocated in there, so he said he was going to buy a Coke at the vending machine and got out of the room. He sat on the sidewalk and put his face in his hands. He couldn't believe he had the love of his life for two amazing days and he let her slip through his fingers. She was going to be waiting for his call, maybe was right now, a call that would never come… she would think he didn't care enough, that she meant nothing to him, not enough to give her a call… and he couldn't even tell her what happened…

He really didn't want anyone to know about her, not even Dean. He didn't like hiding anything from his brother, but this… he needed to keep Jess to himself. Nobody would ever understand, and what was the point explaining? Jo was the only one (apart from the guys from school) who knew he had met a girl named Jessica once. But she wouldn't know he will think about her day after day. That everytime he's in a crowd, he's gonna look for her. That he'll never love anyone like this.

**

**A few days later**

Jess waited. And waited. He should have called by now. She felt so bad for leaving him, she thought he'd be devastated. She waited a couple of days, he would probably still be on the camp and there was no phone there. But more days had passed, he was sure back to his house now, so why hadn't he called? He had said such nice things, made her believe he really had liked her. Was that a lie?

She spent hours by the phone waiting. Everytime it rang, she would rush to answer it, but it was never him. Eventually, she gave up. She clearly hadn't meant that much to him, anyway. She was heartbroken, what she felt for him was real, was deep. And he was just playing with her feelings. No matter how long it took, she would forget Sam.

**

John had arrived from his hunt, and told the boys it was time to go. Sam didn't know what to feel. For the past days, everytime he went out, he started looking for her. He didn't even know if she lived in San Diego, but it was all he had. Now, they were heading to Wyoming, and he would have to stop looking for her…

But would he really be able to do it someday?


	4. Chapter 4

**April, 2007 – Stanford, CA**

Sam was getting late for his first class. He had stayed up late studying, and of course woke up late. He ran into Dean in the kitchen.

"Hey man, weren't you supposed to be at work?"

"I'll go later today, I have an appointment in 30 minutes."

"Is anything wrong?"

"No, just the usual… the doctor just wanted to see how everything's doing."

"Do you want me to go with you?"

"No Sammy you don't need to, I'll be fine, just go to your class and I'll see you later."

Sam finished his breakfast, said goodbye to Dean and drove off to the campus. Jo always left before he did, she was doing her undergrad in another college which was further away, and she had to ride the bus there.

Sam was going to law school in Stanford, which was his dream. He was finishing his first year.

When he got parked near his building, he started thinking about when he first got here, and how things had changed ever since.

He always wanted to go to college, but he knew his family was different. So he had a major fight with his dad, and John said to him that if he left, he should stay gone. And as much as it hurt him, he did. He never actually liked hunting in the first place. Dean loved it, even Jo loved it, but he was, if that's possible, the "black sheep" of the family. All because he wanted to have a normal life. So he left, got a scholarship and got his bachelor's degree. He had a job, and rented an apartment near the campus. He hardly ever spoke to John, like maybe once or twice a year. He talked to Dean a little bit more than that, but not much. He also had some trouble accepting that his brother was going away. He was more in contact with Jo, she was always more easy going than the other two. Everything was going fine, until right after he finished his undergrad, almost 2 years ago.

**

It was late at night, and he got a phone call from a hospital, saying John, Dean and Jo were in a car accident in Jefferson City, Missouri. The lady said Jo was fine, but Dean and John were in a pretty bad shape. He didn't even wait for the lady to finish talking, he just asked what hospital they were and went to the airport immediately, he caught the first flight to Missouri. He didn't wanna drive because it took almost 2 days to get there, and he needed to get there as fast as possible. He got to Kansas City and rented a car for the 2-hour drive to Jefferson City. He called Jo on the way, she assured him she was fine, But John and Dean were not so much, the worst case was John. He was getting surgery within the next hours, and they wasn't sure he would make it. Dean was doing better than him, but he wasn't great.

He got to the hospital in the afternoon, Jo was there and her eyes were very red. She told him they were coming back from a hunt in John's pickup, Dean was driving, and a truck collided with them from the right side, and it smashed the car against a wall. She said she was fine, she was already conscious when the ambulance came for them, they examined her and didn't find any injuries. She told Sam the doctors said that John had a major head trauma, a lot of internal injuries and a severe blood loss. His condition was extremely delicate, and he was on surgery now to see if they could save him. Sam asked Jo about Dean. It wasn't easy for him to admit it, but he was more worried about Dean than with his own father. Dean had always been his major father figure, it was undeniable. Jo told him Dean was in the ICU, he was doing better than John but it was serious too. He had a minor head trauma, 2 broken ribs and some injuries, but the biggest concern was his left leg. It had been smashed against the side of the car, the majority of his bones were destroyed, and his nerves were a mess. They were doing the best he could to save it. Sam sat on a chair in the waiting room and broke down. He couldn't believe this was happening, they had to be okay. He couldn't lose his father, and above it all, he couldn't lose Dean. He regretted the fact that he barely talked to them in the past four years, damn, he barely saw them. He wished he could be more in touch, but his father never gave in… John was never father of the year, but he was his father.

He was about to ask a nurse if he could see his brother, when the doctor that had been operating on John came. He had that unmistakable look on his face. The second Sam stared at him, he knew. His father didn't make it. He sat quietly with Jo for a while, he had his arms around her, and she was sobbing. He also had tears rolling down his face, and after a while he gathered some courage and they went to see John. But he couldn't stay longer though. It was too much for both of them to see his father dead. Sam and Jo burned John's corpse the next day, neither of them could say anything.

Sam now had to focus on Dean, he was not doing so great and was barely conscious. Even though Sam was a mess because of John, Dean needed him, and he refused to leave his brother's side. They got a motel room near the hospital, and Sam made Jo spend the nights there, even though she didn't have any serious damage in the accident, she needed to get some rest. But Sam would only go there for short periods, to take a shower, get something to eat and lie down for a few minutes, and he did that when Jo was with Dean. Then, he would get back to his brother. He was getting better, he was able stay more alert, he could have some conversations and remember them later. Sam told him that John had died, and that was one of the few times he had seen his brother cry. But now they had to focus on his recovery. Although he was doing better, his leg wasn't. The area below the knee was infected, and the infection was slowly starting to spread. Dean started to get a high fever, and after a few days, he was complaining his vision was impaired, it got to a point he could barely see anything anymore. The doctor explained it was due to the toxins that were spreading through his body. They were giving him medicines and doing the best they could, but it wasn't getting better. Then, Dean asked what his options were. The doctor said that if they could save his leg, which was unlikely, he would have a long way of recovering, and it wasn't guaranteed that he would be able to walk normally again. But they weren't sure his leg could be saved, and this infection could get so bad to the point of killing him. The other option was to amputate the leg, and since he was young and they would cut his leg below the knee, his recovery would not be that traumatic, and after a while he could get a prosthetic leg, and after doing therapy, he would be able to walk like a normal person, of course his life would not be the same and he would have to go through a lot, but it was the best option for him now. Dean didn't have to think much. He decided to cut off his leg.

They performed a surgery on him and cut off his left leg below the knee. The doctor explained that it would be much easier for him to adapt to the prosthetic leg since he still would have his knee. If they had to cut above the knee, he would have to use around 80% more energy to walk than he did with both legs, and the time to adapt to the new leg would be longer. He stayed in the hospital for a few more days to recover, and Sam stayed with him all the time, and so did Jo. He started to do some exercises at the hospital with a therapist, and he was supposed to continue the treatment there, but they weren't gonna stay in Missouri, so Sam talked to the doctor about bringing Dean to California with him, so he gave him the name of a good doctor there so he could take him.

When Dean was discharged, the doctor gave them a lot of instructions, and they took of to California. They decided to go by car, since they had to take the Impala with them. Dean was using a wheelchair they rented for him, he still couldn't use crutches because he had to heal from the broken ribs first. The trip back took a lot more than it usually would, they had to make more stops in motel rooms so Dean could lie down. He was still in some pain, and the swelling of his stump had to go down. He almost didn't talk during the whole trip, and Sam didn't force him to. He spent most of the time staring out the window, with a distant look on his face. Sam knew that even though Dean had been strong to make his choice, he needed some time, it wasn't gonna be easy at all. He knew Dean was upset, but Sam was completely sure his brother would be fine eventually, and he would be there for him, he would take care of him for once.

Dean's recovery sure wasn't easy, but it was a team effort. Sam took a year off before going to law school so he could concentrate on Dean. Dean wasn't happy about it, but he knew there was no way he would convince Sam otherwise. But Sam couldn't leave his job at Walgreens because he needed money now more than ever. So Jo would stay with Dean at first while Sam was at work. Dean was going to a rehab center, and once his ribs healed he started using crutches, he didn't like the wheelchair at all. He was getting less upset about things. He was learning at the therapy how to do everything he used to do, and Sam always encouraged him to be independent. A few months after the accident, he started using the prosthetic leg, but of course it would take some time for him to get used to it. But as the doctor had said, since he still had his knee, it was easier for him. Dean surprised the doctors, he was able to walk with the prosthetic in less time than usual, he was very determined to do so. Sam wasn't surprised at all. Dean was his hero, he knew he would do it in no time. Things got a lot easier once Dean was able to walk again. His humor had improved greatly, he was slowly becoming the old Dean again, and Sam could not be happier about it. Losing his father was not easy, but he was so glad to have his brothers with him again.

Dean's life was not 100% as it used to be before, of course. He had to take extra care of his stump, he had to clean it carefully and check everyday for any signs of redness, since the skin there was more sensitive he could get a pressure sore, and those were a bitch to heal. There were other things too, like having to take a shower sitting down, since he had to take off his leg to do it, having to look out for his other leg, since he relied on it a lot. He also had to exercise on a regular basis to keep his muscle strength.

After Dean started walking, he got a job at an auto shop. He had a passion for cars, so he was happy about it. Jo got a job too, and after a while they moved to a bigger place. Sam's apartment had two bedrooms, and he was sharing one with Dean. They decided to rent a 3-bedroom one so everyone could have more room and privacy. This apartment was on the first floor, but since Dean was not using the wheelchair anymore, they wouldn't have any problems (Sam's old place was on ground floor).

Sam had got a scholarship to go to law school in Stanford after the first year since the accident. Dean was unbelievable proud of his little bro. Jo had also got a scholarship to go to another college. Things were finally falling into place.

**

Sam was able to smile at the memories, he was already finishing his first year as a law student, he was still working at Walgreens but was looking for an internship at some law office. Dean was doing fine, of course he still had his moments, but he was dealing, and Sam was proud of him. Despite of everything, having his brother with him again was really amazing. The relationship between them had got even closer after what had happened and he was thrilled about that.

Sam entered the building and spotted a girl at the hall. He walked towards her and when she saw him, she smiled. He kissed her on the lips.

"Hey, baby."


	5. Chapter 5

Sarah smiled again at him.

"Hey sweetie, you're late today! I was almost calling you."

"I was up studying and went to bed like at 3 am or something…"

She pretended to be mad.

"Sam, you know you have to sleep well, otherwise you'll be tired during class."

"I know, I'll try not to do it again, okay! Promise!"

"Okay… Hey, I have something to ask you, but I guess we'll have to wait, the professor is already here, come on."

When the class was over, both of them went to get something to eat.

"So Sarah… what you wanted to talk to me about?"

"There're some friends of mine, they asked if we want to go camping with them at the beach."

Sam stopped eating immediately.

"What?"

"Yeah, they said there's this really cool camping place, it's a little far away, but totally worth it… it's in San Diego… I guess it's San Elijo or something…"

"No."

Sarah was a little taken aback by his harshness.

"Why not, Sam? It will be fun, the guys are cool… we could use some time off, you've been too busy…"

Sam had to hold his breath not to give away any emotions.

"Sarah, I don't like camping. I hate it actually. If you wanna go with them, I won't argue, but I just won't go, okay?"

"Okay Sam, I'm sorry, I didn't imagine you would react this way, I though you'd like the idea… I won't go either, it won't be the same without you… we can find something else to do…"

Sam gave her a half-smile. But he was suddenly not feeling so well.

"Thanks, baby. Listen, I've got to go, I have a small headache and I promised I would go to the doctor with my brother today… and you're right, I should get some rest, I didn't sleep well last night…"

He didn't like lying but he had to found a good excuse for leaving. She was still surprised but didn't argue.

"Okay Sam, I'll see you tomorrow then… you call me later?"

"Sure."

He kissed her and walked away.

**

Sam drove off and could barely see where he was going. Why, WHY did Sarah had to bring up San Elijo? He knew it wasn't her fault, she had no idea, but still…

Sam had met Sarah when he started going to law school, a few months ago. They had some classes together. They became friends and after a while, started going out. Sam liked this girl, he really did. He tried to tell himself that everyday, as if he wanted to reassure himself. But the truth was… Even after 6 years, there was only one girl who truly had his heart. A girl that was the first thing he thought about in the morning and the last thought that crossed his mind before he fell asleep. Even after 6 years, he could never smell roses or watch a sunset without remembering her. Sam could not understand it, he had spent 2 days, 2 DAYS with Jess, and 6 years later, he wasn't able to forget her. He had met so many people ever since, so many insignificant people he had spent so much more time with, and now he couldn't even remember the names… but Jess… how could he explain?

Nobody knew about Jessica. He didn't have any contact with the guys that had camped with him. Jo was the only one who knew, but he not once talked about Jessica with her, after they returned from the camp. He just couldn't. She never asked anything, she didn't know he still thought about her every single day. Days after they came home, she left the picture she had taken of them at the lake in his backpack. He kept it like it was his most precious and secret treasure, he had never showed it to anyone. Not even Dean knew. He intended to tell him sometimes, but he couldn't. He knew his big bro knew him like no other person, but still, Sam didn't think he could understand. Nobody would ever. He couldn't explain why, but he wanted to keep Jess to himself. Like it was a beautiful dream that he woke up from too soon. He knew it was almost impossible, but he still looked for her anywhere he'd go. Always.

He tried to search for her on the internet. When Facebook came out, he tried to find her there, but with no last name, it was impossible. There were thousands and thousands of Jessicas, He'd never find her. And he didn't even know if she had a facebook account after all.

He had tried to move on. To meet other girls. But he ended up looking for Jess in every girl he met. He liked Sarah, he really did. She was beautiful, funny, smart, and had an enormous heart. He really wanted to fall completely in love with this girl. Damn, he was trying to. Maybe get married someday, have kids. And live a whole life… without Jess. He knew he had to do it. How in the world would he ever find this girl? She might not even live on the US anymore, who knows? Man, he'd give anything to find out about her… he always wondered if she still thought about him as well. If he had meant as much to her as she had to him. And if that was the case, if she hated him for not calling her… he was almost sure she didn't think of him, I mean, 6 years had passed… she probably had a boyfriend and was happy, or was maybe even married. It was very likely Sam would never know.

He arrived at Walgreens for his shift, but he couldn't really concentrate. He thought about Jess everyday, but today was worse. He couldn't wait to get home, to take a shower, get some sleep…

When he finally got home, he found Dean making a sandwich.

"Hey man! How was the appointment?"

"Just normal… everything is fine."

"What about Jo, is she home yet?"

"No, she called and said she's going out with some friends."

Dean was acting weird. It was barely noticeable, but Sam could see it.

"Is everything okay, Dean?"

Dean just gave him a quick glance over his shoulder.

"Yeah Sam, everything is fine. You wanna a sandwich too?"

"Yeah, thanks… you sure you're okay? Anything happened at the doctor's office today?"

"I'm alright Sam, I told you, nothing happened, everything is fine with me!"

But Sam knew Dean, very deeply. Something crossed his mind.

"Aren't you going out today? It's friday night…"

Dean opened the fridge to get the cheese and didn't look at Sam.

"No, I'm staying in for the night… One of the guys at work is celebrating his birthday at the bar today but I'm not in the mood, I'm tired."

Dean finished the sandwiches and handed one to Sam.

"What is it Sam?"

Sam stared at his brother.

"Are you sure that's it?"

"Of course that's it, I'm allowed to get tired and deciding to stay home, aren't I? Quit bugging me bitch!"

He headed to the living room and Sam followed him. There was a football game starting and they ate in silence, watching the game.

Sam knew exactly what was wrong with his brother. The truth was, Dean was not 100% okay with what had happened to him. He got his life back, he was totally independent, there were only a few more things he had to do on a daily basis and adapt to some situations, but in that department he was doing just fine, he could even drive the Impala, which was a great thing for him. He had no problems with his independence.

The problem was another thing. Dean had lost a lot of his self-confidence, specially when it came to meeting girls. Months ago, Dean was starting to adapt, he wasn't wearing the prosthesis yet, just the crutches, and Sam was doing everything he could to cheer his brother up. So he would take him to some bars to hang out with some of his friends from college. Dean was able to have some fun, and since he had always been a don juan, he of course tried to make moves on some girls. But a few of them didn't want anything with him when they saw he was missing a leg. One particularly mean one told him that she could even make out with him for the night but that was it, she didn't want anything to do with a cripple. Sam wanted to hit that girl in the face, but he knew he would only get in trouble. And the damage was already done, after all. That changed Dean profoundly. He was no longer the babe magnet he once was. He avoided going out, he preferred stay at home or doing things that didn't involve meeting new people. Dean was much better now physically, I mean, when he was wearing pants, anybody who didn't know him couldn't tell he didn't have two full legs. Sam was absolutely sure there was a whole bunch of girls who would die to be with Dean, but he couldn't see that. What those girls did to him affected him deeply. Sam didn't know what to do, he didn't have the courage to bring the subject up, he was afraid Dean would be upset. But he knew Dean needed some time, everything was still very recent. He was 100% positive he would soon find a good girl who would accept him for who he was. Anyone would be crazy not to see the great guy his brother was.

**

Sam finished the sandwich and went to take a shower. He then said good night to Dean and closed himself in his bedroom. He was still sad about all the Jessica thoughts, he wanted to be alone. He texted Sarah to let her know he was okay and sent her a good night kiss, he didn't want her to worry about him. Then, he opened the bottom drawer of his desk, where he kept a small box. He opened it, and took a picture from it. He looked at Jess' face, that smile he knew by heart, that smile that could lit up the darkest place… and those eyes, those blue eyes that showed her soul… He felt suddenly inspired by the sadness of not having her around, so he took a piece of paper from his desk and started writing. It was so easy, it was like the words was popping up on his head. When he finished, he read what he had written. He didn't know exactly how to classify it, it could be a poetry, or lyrics for a song, he just wrote what he was feeling. A tear rolled down his face, and he pressed the photo and the paper against his chest. Sam wasn't very religious, but at that moment he prayed he wouldn't have to spend his entire life without seeing Jessica again, even if it was just for once.


	6. Chapter 6

Next day, Sam was still feeling like a mess, but he knew he had to do something to feel better. He decided to start making it up to Sarah. He had left her yesterday and she might be kinda upset.

He arrived at the campus and found her just outside their class. They still had some time, so he called her to get some coffee. After they bought their drinks, they sat at a table and he took her hand.

"Baby, I'm sorry about yesterday, I wasn't feeling good and I really had to be alone for a while… I don't know what happened to me…"

She smiled at him.

"Don't worry about that Sam, are you okay know? You wanna talk?"

Yes, please, let me share with my current girlfriend how I'll never get over a girl I met 6 years ago and how I think about her everyday.

"Yeah, I'm fine… there's nothing to talk about, really, I just wasn't feeling very well."

He could tell she wasn't totally convinced, but didn't push it and he was grateful for that.

"Okay, if you say so… anyway, how did the appointment go? Is everything okay with Dean?"

"Yeah, everything is doing just fine."

Sarah liked Dean, when Sam met her, Dean was still starting to get used to the prosthetic leg, and she followed all his progress. She always wanted to know how he was doing, they got along very well and Sam liked that. He could never be with a girl who didn't like his big brother. She changed the subject.

"So baby… your birthday is in 3 weeks, do you have any plans?"

"I don't know… you know I'm not a fan of big parties…"

"But Sam, you need to do something! You told me you didn't celebrate last year because Dean was not feeling very well yet, but he's much better now and I'm sure he'll want to celebrate with you! At least a friends reunion! Promise me you'll think about it."

"Ok, I promise I'll think about it."

She kissed him and they went to class.

**

Dean arrived at the usual diner for lunch. He chose a table and waited for the waitress. Then, one arrived and he had never seen her before.

"Hi there, what can I get you?"

"Are you knew here? Never seen you before"

She smiled.

"Yeah, actually I started yesterday."

He smiled back

"Okay, I'll go easy on you."

"I hope so!"

Dean mentally slapped himself. He was kinda interested in this beautiful girl and maybe she had liked him too, but that's only because she didn't know there was a part of him missing. And he probably shouldn't keep his hopes up, because once she knew, she would look at him differently. They all would. I mean, who in the world would want to go out with a cripple? He wasn't sure that he would do it, if the tables were turned. He had seen the looks on those girls faces when they saw he didn't have a part of his leg. He really missed being with a girl. He wasn't even looking for a long-term thing, he just wanted to have something with someone. But he didn't see that happening.

Dean had moved on with his life. He really had. Of course wasn't easy at all losing a leg, specially when he had to make the hard decision: to cut it or die. Because he knew this would end up happening, he was felling worse and worse. He knew the infection was gonna kill him. He thought his life was over anyway, he couldn't see himself living with only one leg. He thought it was impossible. But he ended up learning it wasn't. Of course the beginning had been very hard, first with the wheelchair and then with the crutches, but once he started getting used to the prosthetic, things were a lot easier. He could walk normally know, and there were even times when he forgot that he was using a fake leg. Of course his life would always be different, but it wasn't the hell he once thought it would be.

And also, even though it hurt losing their father, Dean was happy he was back with Sam. He suffered like hell when the boy left for college, it was the worst time in his life. Learning how to live without Sammy had been impossible. I mean, he loved Jo, he really did. She was his little sister and he'd do anything for her. But his relationship with Sam was different. Jo had always been independent, she always took care of herself. But Sam always relied on Dean. Not that he couldn't take care of himself, but Dean was his only big brother, and he needed him, and Dean needed Sam as well. They had built a strong relationship, and it was hard for him to admit it, even though he loved his sister to death, there was nothing that would ever come closer to what he had with Sam. It was a connection he couldn't explain. So when he left, it was like a part of him was missing.

And now he was living with both his siblings again, and although it came with a high price, there were no words to describe having Sammy back. And he had been by his side on his worst, he took care of him, gee, he even helped him in the shower, and took care of his stump when was still healing. He was with him when he took his first steps with the prosthesis, and all along until he was walking unaided again. He never left his side, even when Dean was angry at the world and tried to push him away, he was still there. Their relationship became even tighter after all this. So really, things were just fine with Dean, he was dealing well with everything. He missed hunting, but he though he might go back to it eventually, even if it was easy hunts at first. He just didn't think any woman would wanna have anything to do with him. He had to get used to it.

He was watching the waitress as she talked to other costumers. She was glancing at him sometimes. But this lovely girl only had her eyes on him because she didn't know the truth.

A few days passed and that waitress always found a way to serve him. They started talking, sometimes Dean would have his lunch break later, when it was less busy at the diner, so she spent more time talking to him. One of these days, when he asked for the check, he found a piece of paper with her name on it, her number and a note "I'm off at 8." When he looked at her, she smiled. He spent the rest of the day thinking about it, man he wanted to go out with this girl. But he couldn't, what if he ended up liking her? When she found out the truth, she'd run away. As much as it hurt him, he'd have to pass.

**

Sam arrived home and found Dean at the couch watching TV. He had a lame expression on his face. He sat by his side.

"What's up Dean?"

He didn't look at him.

"Nothing Sam, just watching TV, can't you see it?"

Sam wouldn't buy it. He stared at Dean until he looked back at him.

"What?"

"Something is going on, and don't tell me otherwise. Tell me Dean I wanna know! I'm your brother, can I help you with something?"

Dean took a deep breath. Sam could tell he was wondering if it was worth sharing what was on his mind.

"Okay. If you really wanna know, there's this beautiful waitress working at the diner I always have lunch, and she's really nice. We always talk and today she put a note in my check with her number and said she was off at 8."

"That's great Dean! Did you call her?"

"Of course not Sam!"

"Why not?"

"Because, Sam. I can't go out with this girl, she wouldn't like me if she knew the truth!"

Sam looked at him in disbelief.

"Dean, you don't know that! Why don't you tell her?"

"Oh that would be a nice conversation. 'Hi, I think you're a nice girl and I'd love to go out with you, but I can't because half of my fucking leg is missing!'. Yeah, seems easy."

Sam came closer to his brother.

"Dean, listen to me. You have to stop thinking that. Just because some stupid girls didn't wanna go out with you, that doesn't mean noone else will! Everybody gets stood up sometimes, you just wasn't used to it. You had the bad luck of running into the wrong chicks, but I can assure you there are plenty of girls out there that wouldn't mind at all!"

"You're just saying that because you're my brother Sam. That's not true."

"Of course it is, Dean! You have to stop that self-pity! Trust me, I'm sure there are a million girls that would do anything to go out with you, with both legs or not! You have to see that. And I'm not saying it because I'm your brother, it's the truth. Talk to this girl, tell her the truth. I'm sure she won't mind, and then you'll know she's worth it. If she does mind, she isn't. And you can move on. But I'm positive that she won't care. Maybe you can even have a long-term thing with her…"

"Yeah, I don't know, let's take it easy… maybe, I said MAYBE I'll talk to her tomorrow. I'll think about it."

Sam was satisfied, it was a start.

"I'm sure you'll do great."

And then they watched TV together waiting for Jo to arrive.

**

Dean arrived at the diner and when he sat at the table, he saw her coming.

"I was waiting for your call yesterday… Did I misunderstood things? "

"I'm sorry, it's not that, I just… I wanted to talk to you before we have anything."

There was just another table occupied at the diner, so she sat down to talk to him.

"What's up Dean?"

"I need to tell you something about me. After that, you can decide if you still wanna go out with me or not. I won't be upset, I promise."

He had to lie a little to make her comfortable.

"Okay… I'm listening."

He decided to go with the short version.

"About two years ago, I was in a car accident with my father and my younger sister. I was driving, and a truck collided with us. It was pretty bad. My dad died in the hospital."

She widened her eyes.

"Oh my God Dean… what about your sister? And you? Were you guys okay?"

"Yeah, nothing happened to my sister, she wasn't even admitted to the hospital, she was already conscious when the paramedics arrived…

"What about you?"

His hands were shaking. That was it, he had to tell her. He looked down.

"They took me to the hospital, I had some broken ribs and a minor head trauma, nothing serious…"

But she could tell there was more.

"What else Dean?"

"I… my left leg was in a pretty bad shape. The bones were crushed, and the nerves were a big mess. It started getting infected, and it starting spread through my body. They said I could die."

She wasn't even blinking. He took one more deep breath.

"I knew there was only one option. They had to cut off my leg."

She tried to say something.

"So… this means that…"

"Yeah. That means I don't have part of my left leg, just below the knee. I use a prosthetic leg."

She stared at him. He couldn't read her, couldn't tell what she was thinking. At least there was no disgust on her face, that was a good sign.

"Wow… I'm impressed… I mean, I could never tell you had a fake leg, your walking is perfect!"

He was blushing.

"Yeah, I've been using it for almost a year now, so I had a lot of time to practice… since I still have my knee, it's easier…"

She asked him a few more questions and he was amazed to see that she was not disgusted at all. She seemed truly interested in him. But he decided to check.

"So… you still wanna go out with me? After knowing half my leg is missing?"

She looked at him as if he was crazy.

"Of course I do! Why wouldn't I? I'd be insane if I didn't want anything to do with you just because you don't have two full legs. You seem like a great guy and I really wanna get to know you more. Besides, I have my flaws too, we all have."

She started telling him some things about her, and that made Dean feel more connected to her. She really didn't seem to mind about his leg, he couldn't believe that.

He soon asked her out, and it was just great. He could see this girl was worth it.

**

When Dean told Sam about what had happened with the girl, he was very excited. He was so happy for his brother, that he finally had found a good girl that liked him for who he was. Not that he doubted this would happen, but because Dean was confident enough to give it a try. He was dying to meet this girl.

"Now you just have to tell her about the hunting thing Dean"

"Yeah, one thing at a time Sammy, a legless guy is one thing, but hunting demons and spirits… that's a whole other level. Let's see if we get there."

Sam changed the subject, and told Dean about Sarah's suggestion that he did a reunion for his birthday. Dean thought it was a great idea, and it was a good opportunity for Sam to meet Dean's girl. They decided to throw the party at their house on Friday. So, Sam invited his friends and bought the things. Jo was very excited, she loved all kinds of parties.

**

The first guests started to arrive, and everything was ready, Sarah and Jo helped him, Dean couldn't help much because he had to work late. Sam couldn't wait for his brother to arrive, there was no party without him.

An hour later, Sam looked through the window and saw the Impala parking. He saw someone on the passenger seat, he was finally gonna meet Dean's girl.

Jo was by the door, so Sam stayed next to her to wait for Dean. A few moments later, he entered the apartment holding hands with the girl. Sam smiled at him first, and then finally looked at her.

If Jo wasn't by his side to grab his arm, he would have fallen down.

Right there, in front of him, smiling at him, there she was…

Jessica.


	7. Chapter 7

The first time Sam dreamed about Jess, was a week after he returned from the camp. He was sitting on the beach, probably the same one where they met. He was staring at the ocean, thinking about her and wondering if she would ever come to him. That's when he saw a girl coming out of the water, the sun was reflecting on her blond hair. She walked towards him with a smile.

"Jess? I… I didn't think you would come."

She bent over and kissed him.

"I did. But now I have to go."

Sam grabbed her arm. He couldn't let her go again.

"But Jess, I just found you… you can't leave me!"

She gently took his fingers off her arm.

"I'm sorry Sam. It's the way it has to be. Bye."

He watched her leave, he tried to get up and go after her, but it was like an invisible force was holding him still.

And then, she disappeared.

**

Jo had a firm grip on Sam's arm, and he was thankful for that, otherwise he would be on the floor now. For 6 years, all he could think about, day and night, was this girl. The first thing that crossed his mind in the morning and the last, before sleeping. There it was, the smile that was brighter than sunshine, the blue eyes that reflected her soul. This was a dream, it was the only explanation. He searched his brain trying to remember if Dean had told him the name of his girl, but he couldn't remember it. He kicked himself mentally for never asking. But still, there were a million Jessicas, it was impossible that was the same one.

Except it was. Only a few seconds had passed since he first looked at her, but it was like a lifetime had flashed before his eyes like an explosion. The first time he saw her, the first time they kissed, all the moments they spent together, the last time he ever saw her, Jo telling him she was gone and she had lost her number, how he felt when he realized he couldn't find her, all the moments he wished he had her by his side. The girl that he searched for everywhere he went, that was everything he dreamed about, was in front of him. And she was holding hands with his brother.

Miraculously, Dean hadn't noticed anything in Sam's expression, he was very excited that his baby bro was finally meeting his girl. He smiled when he introduced her.

"Sam, Jo, this is Jess."

Jess turned to Jo first and shook her hand, Jo tried to disguise as much as possible her shock.

"Hey Jess… nice to meet you."

Jess smiled at her.

"You too! Wow Dean, she's way better looking than you are!"

Dean just laughed, oblivious to all the tension going on.

"Yeah, right… I'm the prettiest sibling, that's a fact!"

Then, she turned to Sam and held out her hand to him, still smiling.

"So I finally get to meet Sam! Dean talks a lot about you, you know!"

Sam shook couldn't say anything, just nodded. When he took her hand, it was like he had got a shock, touching her soft hand after so many years… he wanted to hold her and never let go, he wanted to tell her how much he had missed her… but something was not right. He thought he saw something cross her eyes for a fraction of a second when she looked at him, but apart from that, she gave absolutely no signs of recognizing him at all. She was really acting as if they were meeting for the first time. I mean, he could understand if she didn't think about him anymore, but not remembering him at all? Had he meant that little to her?

He looked away from her. He felt his eyes filling with tears, but he couldn't cry, how would he explain? Finally, Dean came for his rescue.

"Hey baby, are you thirsty? Shall we go get something to drink?"

And he took her away. Sam was feeling like his head was about to explode, he couldn't think, he couldn't say anything, he had no idea what to do. He felt like the floor had opened and he was falling, and he would never stop falling. He heard Jo talking to him, but her voice was so far away, he tried to focus. She was pulling him by his arm. He forced himself to move, he didn't care where she was taking him, he couldn't even see straight anymore.

Jo took him to his room and locked the door. He sat on the bed, rested his elbows on his knees and stared at nothing. Jo knelt in front of him.

"Sam, look at me. Are you okay?"

He took a few seconds but finally looked at her.

"Okay?" He grimaced at her. "I just saw Jessica, after 6 years. And she's dating my brother. So yeah, I'm totally okay".

Jo sat next to him on the bed and put an arm around his shoulders.

He felt she was about to say something but there was a knock on the door.

"Sam? Are you in there?"

It was Sarah's voice.

Jo replied.

"Yeah Sarah, he's here, just a minute!"

She turned to Sam.

"Sam, look at me. I know you're miserable right now, but you need to make a little effort. It's your birthday party and your friends are here for you… at least for a couple of hours, then you excuse yourself saying you have a headache, but you need to do this… just try to avoid her, I'll help you."

Sam considered what she was saying. He really didn't wanna leave his room, he just wanted to disappear, he didn't wanna see anybody… but Jo was right, all those people were here for him, he couldn't just lock himself in his room on his birthday party… "just a couple of hours", he told himself. He motioned for Jo to open the door, and Sarah got in.

"Hey baby, what's going on? Are you okay?"

Sam tried to put on a less miserable face.

"Yeah, I'm fine, just a little headache but I'm okay… let's go back there."

They got back in the living room and Sam spotted Dean and Jess talking to some friends, he had his arm on her back. It physically hurt seeing her, he felt like crying again. He wouldn't be able to do that, it was too much for him. How was he supposed to be in the same room as Jess and pretend everything was fine?

He decided to get a drink. The first sip burned his throat, and the third one, his soul. After a few shots, he was felling better. After a while, he saw Dean leaving Jess with the guys and coming towards him.

"Hey man, are you alright?"

Sam giggled.

"Of course, Dean! It's my birthday, a lot of people I love are here, I just met your lovely girl, why wouldn't I be alright?"

"Okay Sammy, but take it easy okay?"

He grabbed Dean's shoulders.

"Dean, I'm always the perfect straight-A student who never does anything wrong, can I just have fun for one night? I mean, I don't even have to drive home!"

"It's your call."

And he walked away.

Sam went for another drink. He wanted to forget, he couldn't deal with this tonight.

**

Sam woke up feeling like his head could explode any minute. There was a buzz in his ear and when he opened his eyes, he felt the room spinning around him.

He put his arm over his eyes and tried to remember what the hell happened. He had dreamed about Jess, again. But she was… with Dean? No… and then all the images hit him like a punch in the face, it wasn't a dream… After 6 years, he had finally found Jess. Everything he dreamed about, had came true. But in all the ways he imagined finding her, not in a million years he pictured this. The true love of his life was dating his brother. What an irony. eHe had no ideaH

He had no idea what to do.

He went to the living room and found Jo at the kitchen.

"Morning sunshine!"

He just groaned and sat at the table. She brought him some coffee.

"What happened last night?"

"You mean after you had like 6 shots of tequila? You were pretty much the light of the party, it was funny actually. That was before Dean and Sarah drag you to your room and give you a cold shower… I have to admit it, you were a pain in the ass, you didn't wanna leave the party, Dean had to force you… but after they put you in bed you were pretty much out."

He was feeling pretty embarrassed.

"And where are they?"

"Dean was called to work today… and Sarah went home after you fell asleep, she considered staying, but Dean said it was better if she went home. You better call her."

"I will… once I start feeling like a person again."

They sat in silence while Sam drank his coffee.

"What about… her?"

There was a pause before Jo answered.

"She was worried about you. Dean told her you were not like that usually…"

Sam felt his eyes filling with tears and he couldn't hold it anymore. Jo sat closer to him and put a hand on his arm. She just let him cry.

"What am I supposed to do, Jo?"

She smiled at him with sympathy.

"You never forgot her, have you?"

"What do you think? Of course I haven't… For the past 6 years, I thought about this girl every single day, Jo… you have no idea, I can't even begin to explain…"

"I imagined… I never had the guts to ask you, but I imagined… you were never the same after you met her."

He sighed.

"I always dreamed about the day I would finally find her… but not once I imagined this."

She let go of his arm.

"I'm so sorry, Sam."

He looked at her.

"For what?"

"It's my fault all this happened. If I hadn't lost her number in the first place, you guys would have been together back then and you wouldn't have suffered…"

"It's not your fault Jo, it was fate or whatever… I don't know, maybe I wasn't supposed to be with her… I'll never know…"

"But still… I'll always feel guilty about this, and don't tell me I shouldn't, I screwed up… even if you can, I can't forgive myself for this…"

Sam didn't answer. She looked pensive.

"There's one thing I don't get though. How come she didn't recognize you? I mean, she wasn't faking I guess, I watched her. Or she's a hell of a good actress, because he gave absolutely no signs of knowing you at all… it was like she was really meeting us for the first time…"

"Maybe I didn't mean as much to her."

"No, Sam. That's impossible. She felt something strong for you too. When she came to me that morning to give her number, she was desperate because she had to leave you. And even more when she found out you weren't there. I saw in her eyes, she really liked you. I mean, I get that she may not think about you much anymore, it's been 6 years after all, but not recognizing you at all? And I met her back then as well, and yesterday she came to talk to me while you were drunk having fun, and said it was really nice meeting me, asked me some stuff about me… it was really like we were first meeting. I don't buy it, Sam. Something is not right here. I wanna know what's going on."


	8. Chapter 8

Sam couldn't stay in. He had a lot on his mind and all he wanted to do was disappear. He didn't wanna see anybody, Jo, Sarah, Dean… He took a quick shower and texted Sarah saying he had to help out a friend and maybe would be away all day long.

He ran into Jo at the door.

"Are you leaving?"

"Yeah… I need to clear my head. I'll be back later."

He turned to her before going out.

"Don't tell anything to Dean about this."

He knew she wouldn't but it was better to be safe than sorry.

"You know I won't say a word."

He gave her a half smile and left. He got into his car and drove aimlessly. He didn't wanna get anywhere specific, he just needed to get away. He drove for a couple of hours, until he stopped by the side of the road in the middle of nowhere. He got out of the car and sat on the hood, it was a sunny day, just like it had been when he first met Jess. Every moment was coming to his mind now. It seemed like a weird dream, for 6 years all he could think about was this girl, wondering if he would ever see her again, what had happened to her, and now there she was… Just as he remembered her, the same beautiful smile, the same look on her eyes, even her voice was exactly as he remembered.

Man, he had fantasized about this moment for so long, what he would do when he finally found her… he was so sure it would be perfect, she would fall in his arms and they would be happily ever after and would tell their grandchildren about their amazing love story. He laughed at the irony, he did find her, but she was his brother's girlfriend now. Someone in heaven must be laughing very hard at him.

And there was still the matter that she didn't remember him. Jo was thinking something was up, but he wasn't so sure. He always wondered if she still thought about him, and know his question was answered. But he had to agree with Jo though, it was odd. 6 years is not a lifetime, she should at least remember meeting him… but acting like she didn't know him at all? All he could think was that he hadn't meant anything to her.

He leaned over the windshield an closed his eyes, feeling the sun warming his skin. A single tear rolled down his face.

**

It was late in the afternoon and Jo was eating cookies and watching TV when Dean arrived.

"Hey there Joanna Banana, what's up?"

Jo hated when anyone called her like that, but just as Sam only let Dean call him "Sammy", she didn't mind when Dean did it.

"Hey… nothing much, just stayed in all day and finished cleaning the house."

"Where's Sam? His car is not outside"

She saw it coming, it was the first thing he always asked. She had been thinking in what to say to him if Dean got home before he did… she decided to tell him half of the true.

"He went out for a ride… said he was needing it, he should be back soon"

I hope, she added mentally.

"He's alright? I mean, after drinking almost the whole liquor store yesterday…"

She tried to act cool.

"Yeah, he's good… nothing like a hot coffee and a shower to take care of a hangover. He'll survive."

He looked convinced.

"Okay then, I'll take a shower and I hope you made us some nice dinner"

"Sure, I hope you like leftover pizza."

Dean took a shower and came back to the living room eating the cold pizza. He sat by Jo's side on the couch. She saw him getting his phone and texting someone, she had a good idea who it was.

"Sam?"

He shrugged.

"Just wanna know where he is."

She took a peek at his phone to read the answer.

"Will be home in an hour."

That gave her some time to talk to Dean. She turned to him trying to look casual.

"So… Jess seems like a nice girl…"

He smiled at her.

"She is the best… we're still getting to know each other but I can tell she's an amazing girl…"

Sam would agree with you, she thought. She got a text on her phone, and she quickly replied.

"Just a friend. So, you met her at the diner right?"

"Yeah, she works there as a waitress… and we started talking and sharing stories about us."

She was getting to the point she intended.

"She must have some interesting stories…"

"In fact, she does… you'll be shocked when you hear this one…"

**

Sam was driving back and he was a little afraid to get home. When Dean texted him asking when he was coming back, he knew his brother was home, and was afraid Jess could be there too. So after replying to Dean, he texted Jo.

"Is Jess there?"

If she was, he'd go anywhere but home. But the reply comforted him.

"No, just Dean."

A few minutes later, his phone started ringing again. It was Sarah. He had to talk to her, she didn't have anything to do with any of this.

"Hey baby."

"Hey Sam, where are you?"

"Heading home… I told you, a friend needed help, I'm sorry…"

"No problem, but… are you okay?"

"yeah, I'm fine, just tired and I have a massive headache because of last night… I just need to get home and go to bed… I'm sorry I won't come over tonight baby, I'm really tired."

"Okay… see you tomorrow then?"

He really liked her, but he needed some time, with Jessica back in his life everything was upside down. He would deal with Sarah later.

"Sure thing."

When he got home, Dean was in the living room and he heard Jo in the shower.

"Hey there drunky!"

Sam groaned.

"Shut up, Dean."

"Come on Sam, you were the light of the party yesterday!"

He sat by his side on the couch.

"You should tell my head that. I'm never drinking again."

"Yeah, right."

Dean shifted on the couch to face his brother.

"So tell me, what did you think of Jess? I know you didn't have much time to talk to her, specially after you deciding the tequila bottle was your best friend, but still, did you like her?"

Sam closed his eyes for a moment. He already saw that coming, of course his brother would need his opinion about his girlfriend… he tried not showing any emotions.

"Yeah Dean, she seems pretty cool… but as you said, I didn't have time to get to know her very much…"

"Yeah, but you'll have plenty of time!"

I bet, Sam thought.

"Yeah, I'm sure I am… look, I'm beat, I'll take something for my headache, take a shower and go to bed, tomorrow is a new day."

"Ok, good night, Bitch."

"Shut up, Jerk."

Sam took a long shower and all he wanted to do was get to bed. He wsa getting ready to do so when he heard a knock on the door.

"Sam, it's me" it was Jo's voice. "Let me in, I wanna talk to you!"

Oh God, now what?

"Come in."

She entered the room and sat on the bed, he followed her.

"I talked to Dean today."

"So?"

"He told me some stuff about Jess, you know…"

"What is it?"

"I know why she doesn't remember you, Sam."

"What? Did you tell Dean something? But…"

He had just talked to Dean, he clearly didn't know anything… she raised a hand to stop him.

"No, I didn't tell him anything, of course. But he told me something quite interesting about her…"

"I'm all ears."

"She didn't forget about you, Sam. I mean, she did obviously, but it was not on purpose."

Sam wasn't even breathing.

"What on earth are you talking about, Jo?"

She grabbed his arm.

"She lost her memory Sam! Dean told me that a little more than 5 years ago she had an accident, she dove head first in a lake and hit her head on a rock. She had a head trauma and lost part of her memory then, not all of it though. A part of her life disappeared, specifically everything that happened in the previous 5 years from the accident."

He wasn't blinking.

"Are you serious about this, Jo? You're joking, right?"

"Do you really think I'd joke about something like that, Sam? Of course I'm dead serious!"

"I can't believe this…"

"It's true. She doesn't remember you, but not because she chose to. She really can't remember you. If the accident happened a little more than 5 years ago, that means it was a few months after you met her. And that means that weekend was erased among 5 years of memories."

"Oh my God…"

She waited for him to say something. He let out a breath he didn't even know he was holding.

"I… I need to think about all this I guess…"

Jo got up from the bed and kissed him on the cheek.

"I'll leave you alone. Good night."

She closed the door leaving him with a thousand of thoughts. He had to admit he was a little relieved with the fact that she hadn't forgotten about him, at least not intentionally… but he couldn't believe this, she didn't remember meeting him, didn't remember the time they spent together, anything… he felt a hole in his heart, he had no idea what to do, if he should tell her and tell Dean… everything about this whole thing was getting more and more absurd…

**

Sam woke up on Sunday morning but he hadn't slept much. He spent almost all night long thinking about everything and he was feeling worse than ever. But he decided to go see Sarah, she had nothing to do with any of this and he needed to clear his mind for a while.

He found Jo in the living room.

"Are you going out again?"

"Yeah, I'm gonna see Sarah, I've been neglecting her for a while, it's not fair to her…"

"Have you decided what you're gonna do?"

He sighed.

"No idea."

She stared at him.

"You need to tell him, Sam."

"I know… I just need to pick up the courage to do it."

"He'll understand, it's not your fault, it just happened."

"Yeah, I know… where is he, by the way?"

"He… went out with her. Said they had planned to spend the day together."

He nodded.

"Okay… maybe I'll talk to him tonight then."

He turned to leave. Jo called him.

"What?"

"He will understand, you know?"

He didn't answer.

Sam spent the whole day with Sarah, he tried to make it up to her for the past days, for not giving her enough attention. And he tried to clear his mind of everything that was going on, he didn't wanna think about the talk he had to have with Dean later…

He drop her off at evening and drove home. His hand were sweating, he was getting closer to face Dean and it wouldn't be an easy talk… he got home and saw the Impala parked in front of the apartment. He prayed Jess was not there.

He got in, and found Dean alone.

"Hey man!"

"Hey… is Jo home?"

"No, she went out with some friends…"

He took a really deep breath. This was it. He sat on the couch facing Dean.

"Dean, I… wanted to talk to you."


	9. Chapter 9

Dean put the beer bottle he had been holding on the coffee table.

"Sure man, what's up?"

Sam felt he needed a little more time to pick up more courage and decided to have a small talk first.

"So… how was your day with Jess?"

Dean's face lightened up immediately. There was a sparkle in his eyes and he opened up the biggest smile.

"It was awesome Sammy, we spent the most amazing day together! I can't believe I've found this girl, I really feel something different for her, you know? I mean, you know me, before… what happened, I was a one-night stand type of guy, didn't wanna get attached to anyone, but it's different with her, I really wanna keep this girl… I mean, she doesn't mind at all about my leg, she saw it and didn't think it was a big deal… I never thought I'd find a girl that didn't care about it… but I'm not with her just because of that of course… she's amazing Sammy, you have no idea…"

Sam's heart clenched. He lost all the courage he had gathered after hearing his brother's words.

"Anyway, what you wanted to talk to me about, Sam?"

Sam stuttered.

"I… just…" His hands were sweating. He just couldn't do it right now. "I wanted to say I'm very happy for you."

Dean smiled again.

"Thank you Sammy! I'm happy for myself too!"

Sam snorted.

"You suck."

"And you're a bitch."

**

Sam locked himself in his room. He had no idea what to do, his brother was finally happy and he was about to ruin that. He was a coward, he wasn't able to tell his brother the truth… He spent a few hours alone and thinking about everything, and what he was supposed to do. After doing a lot of thinking, he finally made a decision.

He heard a knock on the door followed by Jo's voice.

"Can I come in?"

"Yes."

She entered the room and sat on the bed by his side.

"So, how did things go? Did you talk to Dean? Did you tell him everything?"

Sam didn't look at her.

"No."

"Why not? You missed him? Are you doing it later?"

He got up from the bed and went to the window. He couldn't face her.

"No, Jo. I'm not telling him anything."

She got up too.

"I'm sorry I must be hallucinating, for a second I thought you said you're not telling Dean anything."

Sam turned to her.

"You heard correctly. I'm not gonna tell Dean about my past with Jess."

Jo approached him.

"Sam, are you out of your mind? Why the hell are you doing this?"

Sam sat back on the bed and rested his elbows on his knees.

"You should see the look on his face when he was telling me about his day with Jess. His face lit up, he was so happy, Jo. My brother is finally happy after everything he went through, he found a girl that likes him for who he is, and I'm gonna ruin everything by telling him the truth!"

"So, you're feeling sorry for him? Is that it Sam? You think no other girl but Jess will like him just because he lost a leg?"

"Of course not, Jo! There's no reason why I should feel sorry for my brother, he doesn't need that. And I know there are tons of other girls who would love to be with him, but he likes Jessica." He took a deep breath. "Jo. You know how Dean used to be. He never wanted anything serious with anyone, he was all about the one-night stands. But now he's different, and Jess is the first girl that made him feel this way. I don't want to be responsible for ruining that, I can't do that!"

Jo reached for his hand.

"Sam, it's not your fault. It was destiny playing a trick on you, that's all. Dean will understand that."

"I know he will, Jo. That's the problem. He will understand and he's gonna let go of Jess because of me. He's gonna give up on his happiness because of me. And how do you expect me to be okay with that? How do you expect me to be with her, to show her off as my girlfriend in front of him? To make him sleep in the next room, while we're sleeping together? Dean always put my happiness before everything else, and if I tell him the truth, he's gonna step back and do that once again. But that will make him miserable, I know that. How can I do that to my brother? He doesn't deserve that Jo. He has done so much for me, ever since I was a child. Now it's my turn to give up on something for him."

Jo's eyes were pleading.

"I understand that Sam, but that means you get to suffer instead. You're the one who get to sleep in the next room, you get to see Dean with her everyday. You think Dean would like that?"

"I guess I'll have to suck it up." He closed his eyes and rubbed his hand on his face. "Jo, I love Jess, you know that. She's the love of my life, everything I ever wanted. But Dean is my brother. It's simple as that. I'm gonna put his happiness first, just like he always did for me."

"What about Jess in all of this?"

"Well, it's not like she's gonna suffer, right? She doesn't know anything, she doesn't remember me at all, she's not aware of the fact we even know each other. And she doesn't have to know. I'm just gonna be her brother-in-law"

"Sam…"

He raised a hand to stop her.

"Jo, please. I already made my decision. Dean will never know anything about this."

"But what if this was a sign, she came back for you through Dean…"

"Jo, I don't care what this is, if it's a sign or not, I won't do that to my brother."

She insisted.

"So, are you just gonna give up on the love of your life? What if Dean ends up marrying her? What if they start a family, have kids?"

Sam felt a lump on his throat.

"I guess I'll have to do the same… with someone else. Maybe Sarah, who knows…"

"Sam…"

"Jo, the decision is made. It's not opened for discussions. And I have a request for you. Jo, you are the only person who knows the truth. All the people that went camping with us are long gone, I don't talk to any of them anymore. Only you know that I met Jess before and what she means to me. You have to promise me you'll keep this secret, you'll never tell anyone about this. Of course, specially Dean and Jess. Please Jo, I trust you. Promise me."

She took a deep breath.

"I don't agree with this. At all. I think you're making a huge mistake, and if Dean finds out eventually, he will be very mad with the fact that you hid this from him. But that's your business and your decision. If that's what you truly wants, I'll do as you ask. I'll never say anything about any of this. I promise."

Sam put an arm around her.

"Thank you. So much."

They stayed in silence for a while until Jo breaks it.

"I guess I'll leave you alone to sleep now."

"Ok. Thank you Jo."

She stopped at the door.

"Are you ok?"

He gave her a half smile.

"No. But I'll be eventually."

Sam lay on the bed and the tears he had been holding during the entire conversation with Jo, were now running freely down his face. His heart was broken, he had made the hardest decision of his life, but what was he supposed to do? Take Jess from his brother? Let him feeling miserable? He couldn't do that to him.

He cursed himself for never telling Dean about Jess. If he had, if Dean knew how he felt about this girl, if he had seen her picture, the moment he set his eyes on her for the first time, he would know that was Jess, the love of Sam's life, and the first thing he would have done was bring her to him, he wouldn't have had time to fall for her… and everything would be much easier. Even with the memory loss, Sam would make her fall in love with him again. Now he would have to pay the price for hiding the truth from his brother. And it was a high price to pay. He had no idea how he was going to live with Jess on a daily-basis having to watch her with Dean. But he would do it, for him. His brother deserved to be happy, specially after everything he went through. He just deserved it.

Sam woke up in the morning and he didn't even remembered at what point he had fallen asleep. His eyes were puffy and red. He took a shower and was glad Dean and Jo had already left for work and college, so neither of them had to see his miserable face. He arrived at the campus and found Sarah. She came towards him and kissed him.

"Are you okay, Sam? You don't look too well…"

He tried to smile at her.

"I'm fine baby, I just couldn't sleep very well last night."

She took his hand.

"Are you sure, Sam? You've been acting weird lately… I'm worried about you."

"I'm fine, really Sarah. Thanks for your concern but you don't need to worry about me, I'll be fine."

He decided he would do anything for his relationship with Sarah to work, maybe she would make him forget about Jess… he knew it was impossible, but he could at least give it a try. He put his arm around her, kissed the top of her head and they went to class together.

**

Jess was sitting on the couch, staring at the tv, but not really watching her. Anne, her sister, approached her.

"A penny for your thoughts?"

Jess jumped.

"Wow, I didn't see you!"

She laughed.

"Yeah, I realized!" she sat beside her. "What's on your mind? Your lovely new boyfriend Dean?"

She blinked several times and tried to put on a romantic face, but it came out pathetic. Jess pushed her.

"Shut up. And he is lovely, okay? I'm glad I met him, he's perfect."

"Yeah… not entirely, right?"

Jess stared at her.

"What, are you talking about his leg? You know I don't care about that! It actually makes him more vulnerable, that's sexy…"

"I'm just messing with you little sis, I know it's not a big deal. He seems very nice too, and I'm wondering how long it's gonna take for you to bring him here so I can finally meet him! I mean, you met his family already!"

"Yes… I did… met his younger sister and brother…"

Her face changed and Anne noticed it.

"What? Something wrong about his siblings?"

"No, not at all, I just talked to them briefly but they seem very nice people… it's just…"

"Just what, Jess?"

She looked away from her sister.

"I don't know Anne. I have this weird feeling about his brother, Sam… I feel like I've met him before, somehow."


	10. Chapter 10

Anne stared at Jess.

"Really?"

Jess looked back at her.

"Yeah, it's so weird… he looks familiar, I can't quite explain…"

"Do you think you met him during those five years you can't remember?"

Jess was quiet for a moment.

"I don't know… seems unlikely though, we didn't live here then…"

"You should ask him."

"Yeah… maybe I will."

**

Sam had finished his shift and was driving home when Dean called.

"Hey Dean, what's up?"

"Hey Sam, what are you doing tonight?"

Oh God.

"I told Sarah I'd come over, I'm not sure what we're doing yet... why?"

"Jess called and said that the guys who work with her at the diner decided to have a last minute barbecue and she told me to invite you guys! What do you say Sammy?"

He really didn't wanna go, he didn't wanna see Jessica… he hadn't seen her since Dean introduced them, and he was fine that way… but he knew he'd have to see her eventually, if he kept making excuses Dean would figure out something was up… but he could give it a try, at least.

"I don't know Dean, it's Wednesday… I have class tomorrow morning, and so does Sarah…"

"Come on Sam, you never go out on week days, it won't kill going to go to bed a little later… come on please, for me, I want you and Jo to spend more time with Jess!"

Oh yeah, that's exactly what I need. He took a deep breath. He was already damned anyway. And also, his brother was finally going out, having fun again, all thanks to Jessica. He had to be there for his brother.

"Fine Dean… I'll talk to Sarah and see if we can stop by…"

"That's my boy!"

Yeah, he was really damned.

**

Sam called Sarah and she had agreed to go to the barbecue, so he went home, took a shower, waited for Jo to get ready, and they went to Sarah's place to pick her up.

They arrived at the address Dean had gave him, it was the house of one of the waiters of the diner. Dean was at the door, waiting for them.

"Hey guys! Glad you came! Let's get inside, party's in the backyard, Jess and her sister are there."

Sam's eyes widened and he turned pale immediately. He was glad Dean wasn't looking. He looked at Jo and whispered "Sister?"

Jo immediately understood the problem and her mouth dropped. Sam didn't remember Jess talking about her sister, he was almost sure she wasn't there when they camped together… but what if she had been there, and Jess just didn't tell him she was her sister? And even if she wasn't there, Jess might have told her about him before losing her memory… but then, she probably wouldn't know how he looked like, she didn't have any pictures of him… man, all Sam wanted was turn around and disappear, but he would have to explain himself to Dean and Sarah too… all he could do was wait for a miracle.

They got to the backyard and Dean took them to where Jess and her sister were sitting. Sam took a look at the other girl, and didn't recognize her. She was kinda similar to Jess, except for the brown eyes and the shorter and darker hair. He felt relieved for a moment, he was pretty sure she wasn't at the camp. But he still had to worried about whether or not Jess had told her about him, if Jess had told her his name and how he looked like. She could do the math.

Before he could realize, Jess was up and wrapping her arms around him.

"Hey Sam, how are you?"

Sam had to make an inhuman effort not to collapse, he hugged her back briefly with only one arm, but in that moment they were close, he could see that her hair still smelled like roses, just like he remembered so vividly. It physically hurt being so close to her and not being able to hold on to her, to kiss those lips, to hold her hand and lever let go… and it hurt even more knowing that she didn't have a clue about everything they had spent together.

She finally let go of him and he took a second to recompose himself. He searched for Sarah, who was standing next to him, and put an arm on her back, gently pushing her a little forward.

"I'm fine, thanks… you remember Sarah?"

He wasn't even sure if they had met back in his party, he couldn't have cared less at that moment…

Jess gave her a quick hug.

"Sure, nice to see you again!" she then said hello to Jo, and finally called her sister.

"Guys, this is my sister Anne. Anne, these are Jo, Sarah and Sam."

Sam could swear they exchange a glance after Jess said his name, but it was so quick it could barely be noticed by the human eye. He was probably seeing things.

Sam shook her hand and was kinda relieved to see there was no signs of recognition on her face. One less thing to worry about. Maybe.

They all sat together and Dean got some stuff for them to eat and a few beers. Sam tried to act normally, to talk to everyone as if nothing was happening, but he was failing at it. Jo kept looking at him, half expecting him to break down at any moment. But then he couldn't do it anymore, he was suffocating. He knew he would have to get used to be around Jess, but he had to do it step by step, and right now, he was done. He excused himself, and said he needed to go to the bathroom. Sarah was entertained in a conversation with Dean, and he hoped they would stay that way and not realized he was gone for longer that he should be.

He crossed the house to the front door, and found the porch empty. He sat on the bench and held his beer bottle, occasionally taking a sip. He didn't know how long he had spent there with his thoughts, when he saw someone approaching him.

"Hey!"

He didn't even have to look up, he'd recognize that voice anywhere in the world, he had missed it so much…

"Hey… Jess."

"I went in to get more beers and saw you through the window…" she pointed at the bench he was sitting in. "Do you mind?"

Yes, I do mind, could you go away please, I can't stand looking at you…

But he answered, still not looking at her.

"Go ahead."

She sat next to him and opened her beer bottle.

"Are you okay, Sam? You don't seem very well…"

Only if you knew…

"I am, I'm just tired, it was a long day, I needed some air…"

"I see… you know Sam, I think we should get to know each other, we barely talked since Dean introduced us… and that day you were a little… well… too excited…"

He groaned.

"Yeah… getting older isn't easy."

She smiled, and his heart hurt even more. He couldn't say anything, so they just sat in silence for a while, drinking their beers.

"Sam… can I ask you something? Maybe you'll find this a little weird."

Jesus Christ what now?

He gave her a half smile.

"Sure Jess, go ahead."

"Have we met before?"

Unfortunately, Sam had chosen that exact moment to take a sip of his beer and he almost choked. He had clearly heard wrong. He looked at her.

"What did you say?"

"Sorry, that must have come out weird… I don't know if you know, but I lost a part of my memory in an accident, a few years ago…"

"Yeah, I've been told… sorry to hear that, it must suck."

And how it sucks.

"It does sometimes, a part of my life is missing, it's weird not to remember anything… but anyway, as I was saying… I know it sounds weird Sam, but I have this strange feeling that I've seen you before, you look familiar somehow… I thought maybe we might have met during that period I can't remember?"

Sam had to breath down a few times, he could not give away his emotions, he couldn't believe what he had just heard. Jess remembers him. Not everything they lived together, not that she maybe loved him once, but in a subconscious way, she remembered him. He didn't know what to feel, if he was scared to death… or somehow, happy. All he wanted to do was tell her the truth, that they did meet before, that they fell in love and he had spent the last 6 years trying to find her. All he wanted was to take her by the hand and leave, and never look back. But he couldn't do that. Dean was in the middle and he always came first.

"I guess not… I would remember if we had met. Maybe it was someone who looked like me…"

"Yeah, I guess you're right… I didn't even live here before, it would be unlikely that we had met…"

That was something that was bothering Sam. How did Jess end up in Stanford anyway? They had met far away from here… he took the opportunity to find out.

"Really? Where did you live before?"

"I used to live in San Diego… but then my father was transferred to Stanford, so we moved here a year ago."

Sam almost laughed. If he didn't believe in destiny, he just started to. All the places of the country her dad could be transferred to, they ended up exactly where he lived. Actually it was more like an irony, because she had her so close now and yet she couldn't be further away.

He still wanted to find out more about her sister, so he decided to give it a try.

"So… this accident must have been awful, I mean, to your family too, it must have been hard for them as well…"

"Yeah, it was pretty hard for my parents… my sister was living in New York at the time, we were never much close… but she moved back when it happened, and we became good friends ever since… I just wish we were closer before, so she would know more about my life to tell me…"

Sam was thankful for that, it was one less thing to worry about, Anne didn't know about him. But he had one last question.

"So… there's no hope to get your memory back?"

"The doctors said it's very difficult… but who knows, maybe I just have to hit my head again!"

Sam tried to laugh with her. He would give the world for her to remember him. But he knew what problems that would bring.

"So… I guess we should go back there, if we stay here longer they'll send the police after us…"

"Yeah, you're probably right."

They went back to the backyard, and Sam was relieved that he survived spending some time alone with Jess. Maybe someday he could look at Jess without feeling a physical pain. But not yet.

**

Jess was on the bus when her phone rang.

"Hey Anne, what's up?"

"Are you coming home? Or do you have plans?"

Jess smiled.

"I do, in fact. I'm going to Dean's, he called me asking me to meet him there, so we can go out later, maybe go to the movies, I don't know…"

"I get it, I get it, you don't care about your sister now that you have a new boyfriend, that's okay, I understand, I'll watch some Gilmore Girls and eat chocolate ice cream on a Friday night… that's totally fine…"

Jess had to laugh.

"Don't be silly, you know I love you more than anything. See you later, bye."

**

Sam was cooking some dinner, Dean would be home soon and he would be starving, of course. Sarah was working a late shift and he wouldn't be seen her today, and Jo was going out with some friends, as usual. But he felt like cooking anyway, even if it was just for him and Dean.

He heard the doorbell ring, and wondered if Dean had forgotten his keys, again. But he was to distracted to notice he hadn't heard the Impala. When he opened the door, his heart stopped for a second.

"Jess?"

"Hey Sam…" she gave him a shy smile. "Sorry, Dean asked me to meet him here, but he called me like 5 minutes ago saying he'd have to be at work for a little longer, but I was almost here, so he told me to wait here for him… he said he'd let you know, but judging by the look on your face… he didn't."

She was blushing slightly and Sam knew his face should be red too.

"Yeah, I wasn't aware, but come in… maybe he texted me and I missed it."

He had left his cell in the living room, and when he got it, there was indeed a text from Dean, saying Jess was coming over, and that he would be late. God really really hated him. He took a very deep breath and turned to her. He was already screwed anyway.

"So, looks like we've got ourselves some time to kill… I was making dinner, have you eaten already?"

"No, I came straight from work, I'm kinda tired of the food there…"

"Would you like to join me, then?"

He pointed to the kitchen. She gave him the most genuine smile.

"I'd love to."


	11. Chapter 11

Jess offered to help Sam with dinner. In the meantime, they talked about a lot of things. Sam told her about Stanford, how he got there, how hard it was to leave his family behind to chase his dream, and how it was even harder when there was the accident where their father died and Dean lost his leg. She wanted to know more about this period, when Dean got out of the hospital and had to learn how to adapt. She couldn't ask him the details, assuming he'd be upset, so she asked Sam, and he told her how things worked, and how they got even closer after that.

She also told him more about her own accident, how she handled things, and that her goal now was go to college, she was working to save money, since her parents couldn't afford paying for her tuition. Jess found it pretty easy to talk to Sam, he was fun and very sweet, and she enjoyed listening to his stories. She was glad she was getting along with her brother-in-law just fine. Then she got into the subject of relationships, and she asked him about Sarah.

"How long have you guys been together?"

"For a few months now… she's in college with me, we were friends, and then… things changed."

"She seems a really nice girl."

He gave her a shy smile.

"Yeah… Sarah is very nice."

"Did you have a lot of girlfriends in the past?"

He took a few seconds to answer.

"Not really… me and my family always moved around a lot… I never spend much time in one place, never had the chance to have a long-term relationship…"

"Can I ask you something?"

"Sure…"

"Have you ever fell madly in love? Have you met that one person that you knew was the one?"

He looked away and didn't answer. Jess instantly regret asking the question.

"Sorry, Sam… did I go too far? It was a personal question, I'm sorry, I…"

But he turned around and didn't let her finish.

"No Jess, don't worry, it's just…" he wondered for a few moments. "I don't think I met this person yet. I mean, Sarah is amazing and I care about her a lot. But I'm not sure she's like the 'love of my life'… maybe she is, maybe she isn't. Time will tell."

She felt bad for him. She sensed there was something more that he wasn't telling. Maybe he did find that one person, and something bad happened. But she didn't push him, it was obvious he did not want to share that with her. She admired him even more. She was thinking about something to say to break the uncomfortable silence between them, when she heard the front door. A few moments later, Dean arrived at the kitchen.

"It smells good, bitch! Thank God you finally decided to treat me well!"

Sam replied quietly.

"Shut up you jerk"

He went towards Jess and gave her a kiss.

"Did my brother treat you well? Was he mean to you?"

Jess noticed Sam was avoiding Dean's eyes, but she let it pass.

"No, he was very nice. I helped him with dinner, so it should be awesome, we were just about to set the table when you arrived. We also took the time to get to know each other a little more."

Dean smiled and kissed the top of her head.

"That's awesome. But I'm starving, we can talk later. I'll go get cleaned up while you set the table."

While they had dinner, Sam was quiet, and Jess noticed something in his eyes… sadness maybe? But he was trying his best to hide it, laughing at his brother's jokes and just trying to act normal, but Jess could tell there was something wrong. She wished she could take back her question about the love of his life, she was pretty sure that was the reason for his mood. And she was also sure that he was hiding something. And she really wish she knew what it was.

**

Dean and Jess were already gone, they were going to the movies. Dean said something about a really good movie that was premiering today, but Sam wasn't really listening. Dean had offered to do the dishes, but Sam told them to just go, he'd take care of that. He really wanted to be alone.

He had enjoyed a lot his time with Jess. She was so easy to have around, taking to her was natural. He was even able to forget all the pain and just enjoy the little moment they had, until she asked that question. Why did she had to? All he wanted to answer was that the 'one person' was standing right next to him right now, and it hurt like hell not being able to tell her everything.

He finished the dishes and went to his room. All he wanted was to take a shower and try to sleep. But before, he opened the bottom drawer of his desk, and looked at their picture together.

_Yes, Jess. I have found the person I knew it was the one._

**

Jess woke up on Saturday thinking about the previous night. She had a great time with Dean, she really liked him. But she was still embarrassed for asking Sam those private questions and feeling angry with herself for making him feel sad.

She decided to go through her old stuff to get her mind off Sam, she liked doing that, looking at old photos, letters, it made her feel connected to that piece of her life that was missing.

She got a photo album that she had looked through a million times. Inside, she had written "Camping with friends in San Elijo Beach – May, 2001". She lost count of how many times she had looked at those photos. She only recognized a couple people, she knew they were her friends because they visited her after the accident, but she didn't keep in touch with them, she was having a hard time with her memory loss.

But that was not the reason she looked at that photo album so many times. Everytime she saw those photos, she had a weird feeling. She didn't remember anything about that trip, but she felt something had happened there. She had no idea what, and she tried really hard to remember something – anything – but she just couldn't, and that frustrated her. She just knew, deep down, that something important had happened. Something that changed her. She would do anything to find out what it was.

**

Sam had barely got any sleep. He spent almost the whole night thinking about a lot of things, and he had made a decision.

He heard a knock on the door, and Jo's head appeared at the door.

"Are you awake? Can I come in?"

Sam sat on the bed.

"Yeah, come in Jo."

She sat on the bed next to him.

"How are you, Sam? We barely talked lately… how are things with… you know?"

He groaned.

"How do you think?"

"Are you still not telling Dean anything?"

"Of course not, I already made up my mind, I told you… but there's something…"

"What is it?"

Sam stared at her.

"I didn't tell you, but that day at the barbecue, when I left you guys in the backyard, I went to the porch and she came after me… we started talking, and… Jo, she remembers me."

Her mouth dropped open.

"What… WHAT? She remembered? She knows who you are? What do you mean? What are you gonna do now?"

He raised a hand.

"Stop, Jo! It's not like that, she doesn't know who I am… she just asked me if we met before… that she had a feeling that she knew me… that's all."

"And let me guess, you denied it."

"What was I supposed to do? Tell her the whole truth? What about Dean?"

Jo got closer to him and put a hand on his arm.

"Sam… what if she gets her memory back? What if she remembers everything eventually? What are you gonna do? How are you gonna explain yourself?"

"I don't wanna think about it, it won't happened, if it didn't happen in 5 years, why would now?" Jess rolled her eyes. "Anyway… I stayed up almost all night long, and I made a decision."

"Oh yeah? Let's hear it then."

"I'm breaking up with Sarah."

"You're what?"

He sighed.

"I can't do this anymore, Jo. It's too much for me."

"But Sarah is so great, Sam…"

"I know, Jo. Believe me, I know. That's why I can't do this to her. I can't give her the attention she deserves, all I can think about lately is Jessica… I mean, before Jess reappeared, everything was fine, I really like Sarah and things could work out between us, but now? After I found Jess I can't concentrate in anything else, and like you said, Sarah is a great girl, she deserves better. She doesn't deserve a boyfriend that spends all day long thinking about another girl he can never have. So, after a lot of thinking, I decided to be honest with her."

Her eyes widened.

"Are you gonna tell her about Jess?"

"Yes. She deserves the truth."

**

Sam arrived at Sarah's place a while later. He was very nervous, but he had already decided. He couldn't do that to her, Sarah was a fantastic girl and didn't deserve to be with a great guy, who only thought about her, and nobody else, and for now, he couldn't be that guy. Maybe someday, but not now. It hurt letting her go, but he cared a lot about her, and he knew it was for the best.

"Hey Sam! Didn't know you were coming, what's up?"

She gave him a kiss.

"Sarah, we need to talk."

She noticed his tone and knew it was serious.

"Alright, come on in."

They sat on the couch and Sarah waited. Sam took a few deep breaths and look at her. This was never easy and he hated it.

"Sarah… first of all, you are amazing. Really, you are…"

She interrupted him.

"Wait, Sam. I sense there is a 'but' coming and I kinda imagine where this is going… are you breaking up with me?"

That made his heart hurt, but he had to go on.

"Sarah… it's complicated… look, I'm gonna tell you a story. Promise me you'll listen."

He had thought about doing this all night long, whether or not tell Sarah the truth about Jessica. But he would be a jerk if he hid that from her. She at least deserved the truth.

"Okay Sam, let's hear it."

He took a few minutes to prepare himself, and looked her in the eyes.

"Sarah, remember when you invited me to go camping in San Elijo and I refused, saying I hated camping?" she nodded. "Well, I lied. I do hate camping actually, but… that's because I camped there already, years ago."

"What? And why you didn't tell me Sam? And what does this have to do with us breaking up?"

"I'll tell you all about it, Sarah, and I'll try to keep it short, please just listen." She waited and he went on. "I camped there 6 years ago, with Jo and some friends from high school. When we got there, there was another group of people camping too. And there was a girl among them." She shifted on her seat, starting to realize where this might be going.

"I instantly fell in love with this girl. She was amazing, everything I ever wanted. And I guess she felt the same way. We started to get to know each other and I couldn't believe how lucky I was to have found her. We spent the most amazing two days together, and I already knew I had found the love of my life. It was something I had never felt before. I knew I wanted to be with this girl for the rest of my life."

"Why do I feel there's some tragedy coming?"

"Then, on one day I had to leave the camp early with one of the guys to buy some stuff, and in the meantime she had to leave with her friends, because of an emergency with one of them, I don't know for sure. She left her number with Jo, but accidentally she lost it. I didn't have any ways to contact her, I didn't even have her last name. I never heard about her again, I didn't know anything about this girl, how to find her. And I could never forget about her. I thought about her everyday, even though we had spent 2 days together. She changed me forever, and everyday I wondered if I'd ever see her again."

Sarah appeared to be on the verge of tears.

"So… you mean you never liked me? Why were you with me then, if you couldn't forget about this girl?"

Sam got closer to her.

"I do like you Sarah. I really do. I care about you a lot, and I truly believed we could have a future together…"

"Then, what changed Sam? If you always loved this girl, you shouldn't be with me in the first place… but if you do care about me as you say, why do you decide all of the sudden to break up with me, what…" she stopped talking and gave him a half smile. "You found her."

Sam didn't answer, and couldn't look her in the eyes.

"You found her, didn't you?" he gave her a small nod. She sighed. "I'm glad for you then. You can finally live your fairytale, that's great…"

"No, Sarah, here's the thing. I can never be with her."

"Why not?"

He took a few seconds to prepare himself.

"Because she's my brother's girlfriend."

She looked confused for 2 seconds but then her eyes widened.

"Jessica?"

He just nodded. Her mouth dropped open.

"Oh my God Sam… but how can she be dating your brother after what you guys lived together?"

"Did you forget she lost her memory?"

Her expression changed immediately. There was sympathy in her eyes.

"Oh my God… she doesn't remember you, does she?" Sam shook his head. "But what about Dean? How does he feel about this, why is he still with her after knowing who she is?"

"He doesn't know."

"What?"

"I never told him about Jess. I don't know, I never could. I wanted to keep her to myself, the only person who knows is Jo. I meant to tell him after he introduced me to Jess, but he's so happy, Sarah… my brother is finally happy after everything that happened to him, I can't destroy that… if he knows the truth, he'll let her go for my benefit, and that will make him suffer, I can't do that… how can I live happily with her knowing that my brother is miserable?"

"Isn't that exactly what's going on, but the other way around?"

Sam was quiet for a moment.

"Still. My brother always did everything for me, Sarah. I'm doing something for him now. He cannot know the truth, and I'm trusting you with this, and I ask you to keep my secret. I like you a lot and you deserved the truth."

She as lost in thoughts for a while. Sam knew it was too much for her to process.

"Okay Sam. I'll keep your secret. I appreciate your honesty, and I know it's not your fault. I'm sorry you have to go through this, and I really hope this work out for you… you're an amazing guy, and if we can't be together, I want you to be happy, if anyone deserves it, it's you."

Sam reached out and hugged her. He wished he could love this girl. That he could think about her everyday, and want to be with her for the rest of his life, but that's not how things happen. He was glad he had told her the truth, and he knew he could trust her. He really hoped he had got a friend.


	12. Chapter 12

Sam was not doing so well. It had been a few days, but he was still sad because of the break-up, even though he knew it was for the best, it didn't make it any easier. Sarah had been amazing and understood the whole situation, he really felt bad for not being able to love her the way she deserved. And on top of everything, of course, was his platonic love for Jess.

It was Saturday, Sam was off work but Dean wasn't, and Jo was in some friend's house studying, he was home alone. He was thinking about what he was gonna do, maybe go for a walk or something, when the doorbell rang. When he opened the door, he found Jessica standing outside.

Oh, great.

"Hey, Sam! Can I come in?"

He stepped aside to let her in and closed the door.

"Hey Jess… Dean is not here."

She smiled at him.

"I know… I came here to see how you're doing, Dean told me about Sarah…"

Sam looked down and grinned.

"Yeah… it just wasn't meant to be… it's for the best."

She must have sensed he wasn't sharing more.

"Well, Dean also told me you were a little bummed, and since I was free today and he's at work, I decided I'd come over and try to cheer you up a bit." She shower him a bag. "I brought ice cream and a crappy movie. How does that sound?"

Why don't you just punch me in the face?

"Sure… why not?"

She took out of the bag a Ben & Jerry Chocolate Fudge Brownie and Sam sighed.

"This is my favorite ice cream in the world! How did you know that?"

She laughed.

"I didn't… but it's mine too, and I guess you can't go wrong with this one…"

Sam went to the kitchen to get some spoons and when he got back, she was putting the movie in the DVD player.

"What are we watching today?"

"It's a movie called House of Wax… it's my sister's, she said it's really lame but it's fun to watch… at least so we can make fun of Paris Hilton."

"It's not a romance, is it?"

She grinned.

"No, don't worry… figured out the last thing you'd need to day was romance."

Yeah… right.

They sat down to watch the movie. The pot of ice cream was finished in 20 minutes, so he made some pop corn for them. They didn't talk much, just made silly comments about the movie, specially the 'wonderful acting job' performed by Paris Hilton.

When the movie was over, Sam was feeling strangely relaxed, when he pushed aside his feelings for Jess, even for a few moments, he was able to only enjoy her company. It was so easy spending time with her, talking to her. He was somehow happy for having her in his life, even though he could never be with her. He had missed her so much during those 6 years.

They decided to make something for dinner, since Dean and Jo would be home soon and probably hungry. Jess was a very good cook, and Sam mostly watched and helped her a bit while she made a great lasagna. Dean was very grateful for that and they all had a great time eating together and talking.

**

Dean had invited Jess to go to an amusement park. He said Jo and Sam were going too, he wanted his brother to have some fun since he was a little down after breaking up with Sarah. He said Sam didn't wanna go at first, but he eventually caved. Jess loved the idea, it would be a good day.

They all had a great time. They went to as many rides as possible, Dean passed some of the most thriller ones so he wouldn't risk hurting his leg. Jo and Dean wanted to go to the Pirate Ship, but Jo refused, she said it made her sick. Sam passed too, so they decided to go get something to eat while Dean and Jo were waiting in line. They got some sandwiches and sat down close to the ride, and ate in a comfortable silence for a while. But Jess couldn't hold her tongue, she wanted to know how he was doing.

"So, Sam… are you better now?"

He took a few moments to answer.

"Yeah… I'm fine. Like I said, it was for the best, Sarah is the most amazing person, I wish I could feel about her the way she deserves, but I don't. And I can't do this to her, it's not fair."

She admired him even more. He could just have stayed with her even though he didn't love her, but he didn't, he couldn't hurt her like that. Sam was really an amazing guy. She didn't say anything, just smiled at him.

They stayed in silence for a while, and Jess thought the conversation was over, but Sam said abruptly "I have found that one person, you know."

She wasn't sure what he was talking about.

"What?"

He looked at her.

"When you asked me if I already fell madly in love. If I had found that 'one person' that I knew was the one. The answer is yes. I did find this person."

He looked away, Jess waited but he didn't say anything else, and even though she was dying of curiosity, she wouldn't ask. She could see hurt in his eyes. It was obviously a difficult subject to him, and she wondered what could have possibly have happened that had such an effect on him.

Dean and Jo returned soon after, and Sam and Jess tried to mask the awkward situation. They went to other rides, and before going home, found a psychic tent. There was a sign in the front, informing that "Madam Ruby can read your heart". Jo and Jess wanted to go, but of course the boys thought it was bullshit. Jess didn't believe in that kind of stuff either, but she thought it could be at least fun to hear what she had to say.

She went inside the tent, and there was a woman sitting at a table covered with a colorful cloth. No tarot cards, no crystal ball, nothing. Jess stood in front of her and waited. Madam Ruby signed for her to sit in the chair across from her. When she did, she took her hand.

"Hi, Jessica."

Jess' mouth dropped. She was good. She thought about saying something but Madam Ruby was very focused, so she waited.

"I see a boy. A very special and unique boy in your life." Jess smiled. She was probably talking about Dean.

"This boy is different than any other one you ever met. Your feelings for him and his feelings for you are one of a kind. This is not the first time you've met though. Your connection comes from another life. Another lives, to be more specific. You are the most perfect definition of soulmates."

Jess was a little uncomfortable. She did like Dean, but she didn't know it was that huge.

"But something is standing between you two. Keeps you separated. But I'm gonna tell you something Jessica. When the time comes and everything tells you to give up on him, don't do it. Keep trying. You two are meant to be together, it's written in the stars."

Jess left the tent feeling kind of dizzy. She thought about everything the psychic had said, and nothing made any sense. She thought she was talking about Dean, but they were already together, there was nothing standing between them. But if it was not Dean, who could she possibly be talking about?

As far as she knew, she didn't like anyone but Dean.

Sam was closer, buying popsicles. She stared at him.

**

A few weeks passed, and Jess and Dean's relationship was going well. She was also spending more and more time with Sam, she really enjoyed his company. But something was bothering her. She tried to deny it as much as she could, tried to believe it was crazy, couldn't even admit it to herself. But she absolutely couldn't stop thinking about it, as much as she tried. That was killing her.

She was sitting at the counter in the kitchen, lost in thoughts, when Anne arrived. She had to call her name 3 times for Jess to hear.

"What is it Anne? Jesus!"

"Wow sis, a million dollar for your thoughts!" She sat by her side. "What's bothering you lately Jess? Tell me, please… something's wrong with Dean?"

Jess sighed.

"No… nothing's wrong with him, he's amazing… it's just… I can't stop thinking about something… and it's beyond wrong, the worst thing that could possibly happen… I'm a terrible person, Anne."

"Oh my God Jess, I'm getting worried here… what's going on?"

Jess took a deep breath and stared at Anne.

"I think I'm falling in love with Sam."

"WHAT? Are you crazy Jess? SAM? As in Dean's brother, Sam?"

Jess buried her face in her hands.

"I know Anne, I'm a horrible person the worst human being ever… Here's Dean, an amazing, perfect and loving guy, who likes me very much, makes me feel special, and who I want to be happier than any other person, who would be the perfect guy for me. But Sam… I can't explain Anne. Sam is different. I feel something completely new when I'm around him, he's so sweet, so unique, he has a huge effect on me, I really cannot explain. I love being around him, I can't wait to see him, I love talking to him, when I'm with him… I feel at peace. Like I said to you, it's like I've met him before."

"But you asked him and he denied, right?"

"He did and I believe him, but still… it's something so strong Anne… you have no idea."

"So… what are you gonna do?"

She took a few moments to answer.

"I have no idea… I can't confess my feelings, I can't try anything with him, I'm with his brother… that would devastate Dean… I can't do that to him, ad I'm positive Sam would never to that either, he loves Dean more than anything… more than himself, if I dare say… so I don't know, I mean I like Dean a lot… I'm gonna give it more time, maybe it's nothing, let's see how things go… if it becomes unbearable, I'll have to break up with him… oh God, why can't things be easy?"

Anne put an arm around her shoulders.

"They never are, sis."

**

A few days later, Dean picked Jess up so they would go out to eat, but he soon remembered he had left his wallet at home. So they went back to his apartment to get it.

Dean asked Jess to go get the wallet because his leg was hurting a little, and gave her the key, he didn't know if Jo was back yet and Sam was probably not gonna be home until much later.

She quickly climbed the stairs and opened the door. Jo was standing next to the end table, picking up a book from it.

"Hey Jess!"

"Hey Jo! Dean forgot his wallet, he asked me to get it for him in his room!"

"Okay, you know the way!"

Jess laughed, went to Dean's room and got the wallet from his nightstand, and when she returned to the living room, she noticed there was a paper on the floor, right next to the end table. She assumed it probably fell from the book Jo was holding.

She picked it up to give it back to her, when she noticed it wasn't a paper. It was a photo.

When she looked at it, she saw… herself? But holding her was no one less than…

"Sam?"

She didn't remember taking that picture… and Sam and her looked younger, like it was an old photo… that was impossible…

She turned the photo around, and on the back there was something written.

_"Jess and me_

_San Elijo Beach_

_May, 2001_

_Miss you."_

She was having trouble breathing. There was absolutely no way, it couldn't be… it didn't make any sense… did it?

She heard her own voice almost screaming "WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?"

She didn't wait for an answer. She ran out of the apartment holding the photo, intending to show it to Dean and demand for an explanation.

But when she reached the stairs, she tripped on one step, and lost balance. She fell forward and rolled down. When she reached the bottom of the stairs, she was already unconscious. She didn't even feel when she hit her head.


	13. Chapter 13

Jo was getting in her room when she hear Jess screaming. Moments later, a loud noise. She ran to the living room, and found it empty. The door was ajar, and when she went to the hallway, she had to try really hard not to scream. Jess was at the bottom of the stairs, unconscious.

Jo ran towards her, but didn't touch her because she didn't know how hurt she was. She was about to ran outside to call Dean, who was probably waiting in the car, when her eyes caught something. Lying on the floor, next to Jess' hand, was a photo. She quickly picked it up, and her heart skipped a beat. It was Sam and Jess' pic, from all those years ago. She had no idea where Jess got that photo, but she had no time for that now. She put it in her pocket and ran outside to get Dean.

When they got back in, Dean kneeled beside Jess, trying to make her regain consciousness, but it was useless. He asked her to call 911 and stayed beside Jess until the ambulance arrived.

When they got to the hospital, the paramedics took Jess to the exam room, and they had to wait. Dean called her parents and sister to let them know what was going on, and they arrived short after. When the doctor came to talk to them, he said Jess was going to be just fine, they run some tests and there were no major traumas. She was sedated but would wake up soon.

Sam had class and a shift at Walgreens today, and should be back home late. Jo had tried to call him to let him know what was going on, but his phone was switched off. She would wait until Jess wake up to make sure she was okay, and then go home to tell Sam.

**

Sam was beat. He had some exhausting classes in the morning and also an exhausting shift, since his boss had asked him to stay for another 2 hours. All he wanted was head home, take a shower and go to bed. He was a little mad at himself, he had forgotten to charge his phone yesterday, and the battery had died on his first class. He had been pretty much disconnected from the world all day long.

When he finally got home, it was way past 9 pm, and the first weird thing he noticed was that the Impala was not parked in front of the building. Dean was always home by now, and Sam wondered where he could be. The second weird thing he noticed was Jo sitting on the couch when he entered the apartment, and her face told him immediately that something was wrong. He cut right to the chase.

"What happened Jo? Is it Dean? Where is he?"

He was starting to get really nervous, so Jo got up and put a hand on his arm to calm him down.

"Relax Sam, Dean is fine, nothing happened to him."

He exhaled. "What is it then? This look on your face doesn't fool me".

She looked down for a few moments before looking at him again.

"It's Jess. There was an accident Sam."

He felt his stomach drop.

"What happened? Is she okay? How is she?"

"She felt down the stairs when she was leaving the apartment. Dean and I called and ambulance and she was taken to the hospital, they did some exams and turns out she is gonna be just fine. She will be in the hospital for a couple of days for observation, but she's okay. Before I leave the hospital she woke up but was not very aware. Dean will spend the night with her."

He felt instantly relieved. He really wanted to see her, make sure she was fine. He was about to turn around and go to the hospital when Jess grabbed his arm.

"Wait Sam. There's something I need to tell you."

He waited. She took something out of her pocket and handed it to him.

"This was by her side when I found her unconscious."

It was their picture together.

"Where did she get it? What was it doing with her Jo?"

"I have no idea Sam, she got in, said Dean had asked her to pick up his wallet in his room, and I went to yours to take a book you had left in the living room, and when I got to my room I heard Jess screaming and a loud noise right after that… the rest you already know."

And then it clicked. The day before, he was alone on the couch looking at their picture. He was lost in thoughts when he heard the door opening, and he quickly grabbed a book that was next to him and put the photo inside, so Dean wouldn't see it. He put the book on the end table but Dean asked him to help get some groceries from the Impala and he forgot about the book. Maybe when Jo grabbed it, the photo fell down and Jess found it. That's why she must have fallen. She was running to show Dean.

"It was my fault Jo. She fell because she found the photo… what am I gonna do now? How am I gonna explain her this?"

He sat on the couch and buried his face in his hands. Jo sat by his side and put an arm around his shoulders.

"Now you're gonna do what you should have done from the beginning. You have to tell her the truth."

**

Sam was at college next morning, feeling miserable. He wanted to skip class, but he had an exam and he couldn't miss it. He had called Dean last night after talking to Jo, and he said Jess was fine, just sleeping. Jo had gone to the hospital earlier and he would go there when he left the campus. He couldn't even concentrate on anything, all he could think about was the moment when he would have to face Jess, tell her the whole truth. And what about Dean? He was gonna hate him forever…

But maybe Jess wouldn't remember finding the photo, maybe her mind would block what happened right before the accident… yeah, like he would be that lucky.

He was leaving the classroom when he heard someone call him. It was Sarah. He gave her a half smile.

"Hey Sarah… what's up?"

"Hey Sam… I just noticed you were not doing so good in class today… you look horrible… is everything okay with… you know?"

While they were heading to the parking lot, he briefly told her what had happened, including the photo thing.

"Are you gonna tell her the truth now?"

"I don't have a choice, do I?"

They got to her car.

"Maybe it's for the best, you couldn't hide this forever. You would have to face it sooner or later."

"I know."

He hugged him.

"Good luck Sam. Tell me how things went."

He watched her leave and wished he could feel for her the way he felt about Jess. Sarah was really amazing.

He got to the hospital short after and found Jo at the waiting room. She was pale as a ghost, and when she saw him, she grabbed his arm and made hi seat by her side.

"What happened now, Jo? Something wrong with Jess?"

"No… I have to be quick because Dean can come back at any minute, he's at the cafeteria… Sam… Jess got her memory back."

It was like Sam's heart forgot how to beat. When he spoke, his voice was no more than a whisper.

"What?"

"Dean told me. He said Jess woke up early today and it was like the door to that piece of her life that had been missing just opened. She remembered everything and was really agitated, they had to sedate her. She woke up again a couple hours later and things were falling into place in her head… everything that was missing is back now. That includes you."

Sam let out a breath he didn't know he was holding.

"Oh my God Jo, that's… I don't know what that is, what now? Did she tell Dean about me?"

"No, she didn't say anything yet… I couldn't go see her either, Dean told me what happened… I'm afraid she will be upset if she sees me, because you know… she met me too…"

Sam laid his head on the wall and closed his eyes.

"I am all kinds of screwed up."

She put a comforting hand on his shoulder.

"It isn't gonna be easy, you know that… but it will be okay. I'm sure."

He was glad she didn't play the "I-told-you-so" card.

Dean came back from the cafeteria and asked if they wanted to see Jess. Sam refused, said it was better to wait for her to get home. There was no way he would face her now, he needed some time. He was really screwed.

**

A few days later, Jo was cleaning up the living room, while Dean was at work and Sam was working on something for one of his classes in his room. Jess had been discharged from the hospital a couple of days ago, and Sam hasn't talked to her yet. She had told Dean she needed some time alone to think, to organize her thoughts that were a big mess, before doing anything else, and he was respecting that. Jo was really afraid, waiting for the moment when Jess was gonna confront Sam, after all, she knew the whole truth by now, obviously. It wasn't gonna be pretty.

She heard the doorbell ring, and when she opened the door, she found Jess. Oh fuck.

"Hey… Jess. How are you feeling?"

"Terrific. Can I come in?"

"Sure… but Dean is not here, he's at work today…"

It was lame but she had to try anyway.

"I know that. That's why I came to talk to Sam."

This is it. This is how we're gonna die.

"I can talk to him, right?"

"Sure you can. He's in his room."

"Thank you, Jo."

She was about to turn around when she stopped and faced Jo again.

"You knew all this time, didn't you? Of course you did, you were there… you knew about me and Sam, why didn't you tell me anything, Jo?"

"Because of one simple reason: it was not my business to tell. Sam asked me not to, and even though I didn't agree with him, I did as he asked. This was between you too, not me."

"But why didn't he tell me this Jo? Why did he hide it from me? I had the right to know!"

"Jess, again… this is between you and him, it's not my business to tell… you're gonna have to ask him."

"That's what I'm gonna do now."

**

Sam was in his room working on a project. He was burying himself in work and college stuff, so he wouldn't think much about whe he would have to face Jess. He was terrified.

There was a knock on the door. "Come in, Jo."

He heard the door opening behind him.

"Not Jo."

He turned faster than lightening speed, and found Jess staring at him. She closed the door and locked it.

"Now we're gonna talk, Sam."

He felt sick to his stomach. No more stalling, that was it. He just looked at her. She was looking back at him like she was looking at something beyond them.

"All I wanna know, Sam, is why. Why did you hide the truth from me. Why you never told me we had met before. Why did you do it? I had the right to know, it was my life, a piece of it that was missing. Why?"

He lay against the wall and took a deep breath.

"Because of Dean. Because I couldn't do that to my brother, that's all. It was all an incredible coincidence, of all people he met you, and when he introduce me to you my heart almost stopped. I was gonna tell him the truth, but he was so happy, Jess… my brother went through a lot, and he was finally happy, he was in love with a girl who liked him back, and I know if I told him the truth, he would give up on you because of me… and he has always done so much for me, my whole life, and I just couldn't do that to him… I decided to keep it to myself."

"But he didn't know you had met me? He never saw the picture of us?"

"No, I never showed him… I don't know, I wanted to keep you from myself, I can't explain… only Jo knew, because she met you too, but nobody else did. You were my big secret."

She just stared at him. They stayed in silence for a while, then Sam sighed and continued.

"You have no idea how much I missed you. Ever since I left that camp, I thought about you every fucking day. For 6 years. Everywhere I'd go, I looked for you. I knew nothing about you, not even your last name. You have no idea, Jess. You have no idea how jealous I was of people who got to see you everyday. Of people who passed by you on the street. They had no idea how lucky they were. They don't know what would I give to be one of them. Everyday I wondered if I was ever gonna see you again, or if I would spend the rest of my life missing you. Even though we spent only two days together, I knew you were the love of my life. Remember when you asked me once if I had found that person I knew it was the 'one'? There you go."

When he finished, his voice was almost a whisper. He looked down and waited.

"You know Sam… this is very beautiful and everything, but something is not making sense about all of this. If you loved me and missed me so much as you say, why didn't you just called me? I gave Jo my number, all you had to do was call! I waited Sam. For days. For weeks. Everytime the phone rang, I ran to answer it, thinking it was you. And it never was. I gave up eventually, just thought your feelings for me weren't as real as you said. That you were just messing with me. And it fucking hurt! So, why didn't you call?"

"I lost your number. Actually… Jo lost it. When you gave it to her, she put in her back pocket, and one of the guys took her to the water and she forgot about it. It get wet and ruined. By the time I got back to the beach, she no longer had it. You had no idea how that hurt. When I realized there was no way I could contact you. And I knew you would hate me for not calling, but how would I let you know what had happened? You have no idea how bad I felt because of this…"

They stayed in silence for a while again. This time, Jess break it.

"You know what's ironic? I fell in love with you… again. Everytime I was close to you I felt different, it was like I'd met you before… and I even asked you, and you denied… but I couldn't help it. I do like Dean a lot, but you were different. It took me forever to admit it, I had never felt this before. And I felt like the worst person on Earth for falling for my brother-in-law… little did I know I had already done it before. Remeber the last time we talked at the camp, you asked me to never forget this? In some level, I never did."

Another silence.

"I'm sorry, Jess."

She walked toward the door and unlocked it.

"You had no right to do this, Sam."

And she left.

He walked to the door and leaned against the doorframe. He saw Jo approaching him.

"She just left, Jo."

"So I saw it. I just don't get one thing. What are you still doing here? Go after her Sam, do one thing right in your life for the love of God!"

He didn't think, because if he did, he wouldn't leave the house. He ran outside, and spotted Jess going towards her car, which was parked down the street. He ran to reach her, grabbed her arm and turned her around.

"Sam?"

"I'm sorry. You are right, you had the right to know, I couldn't have hidden this from you. I'm so sorry."

She just smiled at him.

"Did we really wait 6 years for an apology?"

Nothing else mattered. Not in that moment. Sam put a hand on her face and brought her close to him. When he felt her lips on his, he closed his eyes.


	14. Chapter 14

It didn’t matter if the world ended at that moment. If a bomb exploded right next to them, it wouldn’t matter. Sam could stay like this forever. He had waited so long for this moment, had dreamed about it everyday for the past 6 years, and it was just like he remembered. Actually, it was a million times better. She still smelled like roses, just like he remembered. He held her tight in his arms, kissed her with passion, and she reciprocated. 

He really could do this forever, but something flicked in his brain. Dean. That was wrong, he just couldn’t do that to his brother. As much as this was what he wanted the most in his life, some things came first. He stopped the kiss and looked in her eyes, still holding her face in his hands.

“I love you Jess. You have no idea how much. I thought about you every single day ever since we met. All I wanted in my life was to be with you. But I told you, I can’t. I can’t do that to Dean.”

“I know.”

They stayed in silence for a little while.

“Please, Jess, don’t tell him. He’ll hate me even more if he finds out for someone else. I need some time, but I have to be the one to tell him.”

“Okay, Sam. I won’t tell him. But I can’t be with him anymore, after remembering everything, it’s not fair to any of us.”

Despite of everything, Sam was not a fan of this idea. He knew Dean was gonna be sad, and he hated that. But he also knew it would be even worse if they stayed together. Why things have to be this complicated?

“Just do what you have to do… I’m gonna gather courage to tell him.”

Another moment of silence. Sam felt he was done, if he stayed there any longer, he might do something really dumb.

“I need to go, Jess. We’ll talk later.”

And he left.

**

Sam was just devastated. Kissing her and knowing he could never be with her made him feel even worse than he already did. He knew he had to tell Dean, but he just didn’t know how. He didn’t even know where to start. 

2 days later, Dean arrived home and he didn’t seem very happy. Sam was at the kitchen, and Dean didn’t even wait for him to ask. He sat at the counter and started talking.

“Jess broke up with me.”

Even though Sam knew this was coming, he felt bad anyway. His brother was hurting and he couldn’t stand to see that. He sat by his side.

“Oh man, I’m sorry… did she say something?”

“Just that she was confused, she wasn’t sure about what she wanted, she needed some time…”

Dean would hate him forever, but he deserved the truth. It was the least he deserved. Sam took a deep breath to gather some courage. He had to do it.

“Dean, I…”

“Hey guys! I’m home and starving!”

Jo. She chose that exact moment to arrive and come to the kitchen too. This talk would have to wait.

**

Couple days after that, Jo found Sam sitting on his bed, holding the photo of Jess and him. She sat by his side.

“So… rumor has it that Dean and Jess aren’t together anymore.”

He didn’t look at her.

“Rumor confirmed.”

“But he doesn’t know the truth, right??”

“No… I asked Jess not to tell him, I’m the one who has to do it.”

“Soo… why haven’t you yet?”

“I’m gonna do it Jo, I just need courage.”

“Better do it soon, Sam… the longer you take, the worst it will be.”

“I’m gonna tell him Jo, I really am, Dean has to know the truth…”

“Dean has to know what?”

Sam and Jo turned their heads at the same time to the door, where Dean was standing. Sam got up and went towards him.

“Dean? Wha… what are you doing here?”

“What Sam, I can’t get off work a little earlier and come home? I do live here, you know?” He stared at Sam for a few moments. “So… what is that truth I need to know?”

Sam turned to his sister.

“Jo, leave us alone, please.”

He closed the door behind her and turned to Dean.

“Go ahead, Sam. I’m listening.”

“Dean… I need to tell you something that happened. I understand if you hate me, but try to understand first, okay?”

“Sam, you’re scaring me.”

He picked up the photo he had left on the bed and handed it to Dean.

“Take a look at this.”

Dean did as Sam asked, and his eyes widened immediately.

“You… and Jess… but when did you take this?? You look… different.”

“Look at the back.”

“2001?? San Diego?? What the hell is this Sam??”

Sam asked Dean to sit down, and started telling him everything. How he had met Jess in that camping trip all those years ago, how he fell in love with her, how they were separated. How he couldn’t tell anyone about her, not even Dean. How he thought about her every single day, how his biggest dream was finding her someday. How he was sure she was the love of his life. 

He told Dean how devastating it was for him to finally finding her again as his brother’s girlfriend. How he meant to tell Dean the truth, but gave up when he saw how happy he was. How he decided to keep it as a secret, since Jess had lost her memory, so nobody would find out. How he did that to see Dean happy, and how it killed him to be as close to Jess. He told Dean how she had found that same photo, but before she could do anything about it, she fell down the stairs and got her memory back. How she remembered Sam and how she confronted him about everything. And how that was the reason she broke up with Dean.

After Sam finished, it took a while for Dean to show a reaction. Sam waited. When Dean got up and looked at him, there was anger in his eyes.

“So, you lied to me all this time??? Are you fucking kidding me, Sam??

“Dean, I to…”

“What?? First you don’t bother to tell me you met the woman of your dreams, because this is really no big deal at all. Then, you hide the truth from me, when I show up dating her, and why?? Because you felt sorry for me?? Because your poor cripple brother had finally found somebody that liked him for who he was, and if this didn’t work out, he would never find anyone else? That it, Sam??”

That wasn’t happening.

“Dean, I… of course not!! I did this because you’re always putting me before yourself, and I knew you would give up on her for me if you knew the truth… I did this because you were finally happy!”

“This is a lot of crap, Sam. I cannot believe you lied to me. You had to right to do that, I had the fucking right to know! If you truly cared about me, you would have told me, I don’t care if it would hurt, we don’t fucking lie to each other! You’re an asshole, you know that??”

Sam took a few deep breaths.

“You know what Dean… I should have told you. I should have, that way you would know the pain I was feeling. Do you have any idea what it was for me to see Jessica every day, after spending every fucking minute of my life wondering where she was, if I was gonna ever see her again, and knew I could never have her?? I should have told you and take her from you, and date her in front of you, I’m sure you would prefer that.”

“Sam, she was your girl first, I would have understood! But the point is that you lied to me, this was a huge deal and you hit the truth! I can’t forgive that Sam, I’m sorry. I can’t even look at your face, don’t talk to me, please.”

And he left.

**

Dean spent the next days completely ignoring Sam. It was like he didn’t exist. Sam was devastated with this silence treatment, but he knew Dean needed time. He just wished that ended eventually.

Sam came back from college and he was relieved to be off today, he wasn’t on the mood to work, at all. He was alone, Dean and Jo were both at work (not that it mattered if Dean were home, it would be almost like being alone anyway), and he was divided between doing something to eat or taking a nap. Then, of course, there doorbell rang. And sure enough, it was Jess.

“Hey… come on in.”

She passed by him to get into the apartment, but didn’t meet his eyes. Sam waited, but she didn’t say anything.

“So… how have you been?”

“You can imagine… I’ve been better. What about you? Must have heard I broke up with Dean.”

“Yeah, I’m aware.”

He motioned towards the couch and they both sat down.

“Did you tell him?”

“Yes.”

“Judging by the look on your face, I guess it wasn’t a happy talk.”

“He’s pissed because I lied to him. Because I never told him that I had met you, and also that his new girlfriend and I had a history together. I told him I did it because I wanted him to be happy, and he thinks it’s because since he’s a ‘cripple’, I didn’t wanna ruin the only chance for him to be happy, since no other girl would be interested in him.”

“That’s bullshit, Sam.”

“I know. But he doesn’t understand. And he’s right, I shouldn’t have lied to him, it was wrong… He won’t talk to me, he won’t even listen to me. I don’t wanna lose my brother, Jess.”

She put a hand on his arm.

“You won’t lose him Sam, he’ll come around eventually.”

“I hope so.”

Silence. Jess was the first to break it.

“So… what about us? What’s gonna happen now?”

He looked at Jess right in the eyes.

“There can’t be ‘us’, Jess. How can we be together? How can I do that to Dean? I said, I can’t lose my brother. I love you, you don’t have the slightest idea how much, but I can’t put anything before my brother. I just can’t. He will never forgive me. We can’t be together, whatever it is that we have, we must end it here. As much as it hurts.”

He could see tears rolling down her face.

“So, we’re just supposed to forget each other? How can you ask me to do that? I… I just remembered you.”

He had to be strong, he knew that. His heart was bleeding, all he wanted to do was take her in his arms and go, and never look back, but he just couldn’t do that.

“Just so you know… I’ll never forget you, Jess. Never did, never will. I will never love anyone as much as I love you. Even if I met a thousand people, even if I lived a thousand years… even if I have a family, a wife and kids, it will always be you. Forever. Remember that.”

There were more tears now, in both their faces. She tried to say something, but she couldn’t. She took a deep breath, and all that came out was “I need to go.”

“I want to give you something before you leave.”

Sam went to his room and got a piece of paper from his drawer. He returned to the living room and gave it to her.

“I wrote you this, in one of the countless times I was thinking about you and missing you. I added the last verse after I found you.” She started to unfold the paper, but he stopped her. “No, read later, not here please. Just… I wanted you to know.”

Jess put a hand on his face and kissed him on the lips. It was wet and salty, and he couldn’t think it would be the last one.

Then, still holding his face, she looked in his eyes.

“This is not the end, Sam.”

**

Jess left Sam’s place and she couldn’t even see straight, with all the tears. She got into her car, and she was breathless. It took a few moments for her to calm down enough to open the piece of paper, firmly clutched in her hand. She wiped the tears away, and read it. 

The day we met  
Frozen, I held my breath  
Right from the start  
I knew that I found a home for my heart  
Beats fast, colors and promises  
How to be brave?  
How can I love when I'm afraid to fall?  
But watching you stand alone  
All of my doubts, suddenly goes away somehow

One step closer

I have died every day waiting for you  
Darling, don't be afraid  
I have loved you for a thousand years  
I'll love you for a thousand more  
Time stands still  
Beauty in all she is  
I will be brave  
I will not let anything take away  
What's standing in front of me  
Every breath  
Every hour has come to this

One step closer

And all along I believed I would find you  
Time has brought your heart to me  
I have loved you for a thousand years  
I'll love you for a thousand more

Jess remembered Madam Ruby’s words that day in the amusement park.  
“When the time comes and everything tells you to give up on him, don’t do it. Keep trying. You two are meant to be together, it’s written in the stars.”

It didn’t matter how long it took. She wouldn’t give up on Sam. They were really meant to be together.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm rating this chapter M because of a scene there's in it. I won't tell you what it is so I won't spoil, but I'm giving the warning. I'm gonna put the scene between 'XXX' so you can skip it if you want.

A few weeks passed and things remained the same between the brothers. Dean still didn't wanna talk to Sam, and he kinda gave up on trying to get Dean to talk to him, to understand his point. He would come around sometime. Maybe. He hope Dean would. Sam knew Jo was also trying to make Dean talk to him, but didn't succeed either. Things were not easy. And of course, Sam missed Jess like hell, they hadn't spoken since they had 'the talk', and he thought about her all the time. He had no idea how he would be able to forget about her. But as he told Jess, he knew he never would, not really.

**

Sam got home from work a little earlier, and he knew he would be alone for a while, since Jo had classes all day long today and Dean always worked late on Wednesdays (actually, even if Dean were home, it would be like he was alone anyway).

5 minutes after he got in the house, he heard the doorbell. When he opened the door, Jess was standing in front of him. Looking anywhere but him.

"Hey… Sam."

His mouth was suddenly dry.

"Hey Jess."

"Can I come in?"

"Sure."

He stepped aside and she passed by him, still not looking at him.

They fell into an awkward silence, none of them really knew what to say. Sam was desperate to know why she was here, but he waited. She finally broke the silence, after getting a piece of paper out of her purse. Sam knew what it was instantly.

"What you wrote me… I have no words for that, Sam. It's the most beautiful thing I've ever read."

Sam shrugged.

"It's the truth."

"And after this, how can you ask me to forget about you? You know that is impossible. You wrote that time has brought my heart to you. Sam, I could have dated a thousand guys. What are the odds that I was working on the same diner that Dean, your brother, had lunch? I don't believe in coincidences Sam. We were meant to find each other." She took a step towards him. "I know that we can't be together Sam. I understand. Dean's your brother and he comes first, I really understand. But I had to come, I'm sorry, I was out there for a while waiting for you, and when I saw you getting in I debated with myself if I should do it or not, but I had to… destiny united us again Sam, against all odds. We can't just ignore this."

She took another step in Sam's direction. They were just inches apart. Sam could feel her scent, and it intoxicated him.

"Wha… what are you doing?"

She leaned in even closer.

"What you wrote me. 'One step closer'."

Sam held her face in his hands and closed the distance between them. When their lips met, it was like something was exploding inside of him, he never wanted to let her go. She opened her mouth for him, and Sam deepened the kiss, tangling their tongues together. He didn't care right now, at least for one day he didn't want to thing about anything else. Only that moment mattered.

XXX

He took Jess to his room and closed the door. The outside world didn't existed for now. Just for now. Sam stood in front of Jess and stared right into her eyes. He could almost see her soul, and he knew it was the same as his.

He slowly took off her coat, leaving her wearing only a tank top. She could feel her trembling, but he knew she wasn't cold at all. He leaned in and kissed her lips, her face, her neck, her shoulders… he could feel her whole body shivering. Jess took his shirt off and looked at him, Sam unbuttoned his jeans, and ran his hand through his hair. Jess was still staring at him, her mouth a little opened. Sam pulled her and kissed her lips, passionately.

Sam slowly laid Jess down on the bed, and leaned on top of her, supporting himself with his arms on the mattress. He kept staring at her, he couldn't believe how beautiful she was, and how lucky he was to have her here, even if it was just for tonight. He didn't wanna think about what would happen tomorrow. He thought about everything, when they first met, their first kiss, all the moments they spent at the camp, all the pain he felt for not knowing where she was, when he finally found her again, all those times he wanted to touch her and couldn't…

He wanted to move fast, he wanted to have her as quick as possible, but he also wanted to take it slowly, after all, he knew this was their only shot. He didn't want it to end, they deserved that, they waited for too long. And Sam knew she was feeling the same way as him. He finished taking her clothes off, as gently as possible, and she did the same. In every look, every kiss, Sam could feel how much they had missed each other. He kissed her whole body, sometimes stopping just to look her in the eyes and run his fingers through her face. She put her hand on his chest, he could feel his heart beating fast, and knew hers was too.

Sam felt himself growing harder, and picked up a condom in his nightstand, she helped him put it on. He leaned down to kiss her, she ran her hands on his back, and he couldn't wait anymore, he finally filled her up. She kissed him with more urgency and he started moving, faster and faster. It was the best feeling in the world, they were finally one piece, as they should always be. Sam covered Jess' mouth with his, and with one final thrust, a wave of pleasure spread through his body as he finally came. And he could see in her eyes that she was feeling the biggest pleasure in the world.

He laid down next to her and held her closer. He kissed the top of her head and whispered in her ear.

"I love you."

XXX

Sam wanted to sleep with her, cuddle and never let her go. But he knew she had to. Dean and Jo would be home soon, and she couldn't be here. They both knew that what had just happened couldn't happen again, they didn't even have to say anything.

Watching Jess leave was one of the hardest things Sam ever had to do.

**

Days later, Sam was coming back from work, later than usual. He was beyond tired, he was having a lot of classes, studying and working his ass off, he hadn't slept straight in days. All he wanted was get home, take a shower and get to bed. But he still had to study.

His eyes were trying to close, he trying to fight with it. He needed to stay up, he was driving.

He barely saw the tree.

**

When Dean got home, only Jo was there. Better. He wasn't on the mood to look at Sam right now. He knew he was being stubborn, he knew Sam had good intentions, but he couldn't forgive him. The betrayal had been too much. He even considered moving out, but he knew it was too much. Maybe he could try to forgive Sam someday. But not today, he wasn't ready.

His phone rang, he didn't know the number. After that, everything went on a blur.

Someone told him Sam was in the hospital. He had been in a car crash. Next thing he knew, he was blasting through the hospital door with Jo behind him, going to the receptionist demanding information.

A nurse told him they had took Sam to the trauma room but didn't give details and didn't tell him what condition he was in. And that he should wait until a doctor came to talk to them.

And they waited. Dean was feeling miserable. An hour ago he was thinking he shouldn't forgive his brother just yet and now he didn't even know if he was gonna see his brother alive again.

If Sam died, he would die believing Dean hated him. Dean didn't even believe in God, but at that moment he prayed for his little brother. For someone up there, if there was someone, to take care of him. Not to take Sam away from him.

**

After a while they were waiting, Dean didn't care how much, Jess showed up at the hospital. Of course Jo had texted or called her or whatever to let her know what was going on with Sam. Dean still had a hard time looking at her. But he could see there were tears rolling down her face, her eyes were widened. She was deeply worried about Sam. Jo filled her up on what was going on with him, and they all sat down to wait. Dean wouldn't look at her anymore.

The doctor finally came to talk to them after God knows how long. Dean pretty much jump from his chair and almost grabbed the doctor by his collar.

"How's my brother doc? Is he okay?"

He tried to get Dean to sit down so he could talk to him, but he wouldn't. So they stayed up.

"Sam had a couple of broken ribs, an internal bleeding that we got in under control with blood transfusions, some lacerations, and a small head trauma, which was our biggest concern."

"Okay, but how is he now?"

"He's in the ICU under observation, he's stable but we're gonna monitor him to see how he spends the night, if there aren't any complications."

"But there could be complications? Are you hiding something? Please doc, tell me how my brother really is, can I see him?"

"I'm not hiding anything, as I said he's stable but we need to monitor him, specially because of the head trauma. It's procedure. And you can't see him yet, he can't get any visitors from now, he's fully sedated so his body can heal better. Maybe you can see him in the morning if his condition allows. But don't worry, your brother is responding well."

The doctor left them, and Dean prepared to spend the night at the waiting room, he wouldn't leave his brother side until he was 100% sure he was okay. Jo had to go home and try to get at least some sleep, because she had a very important exam in the morning that she just couldn't miss. Jess also refused to leave, and Dean was too exhausted and worried to argue.

They sat a few chair apart from each other, and stayed in silence for a long while. Dean was getting a little uncomfortable because his leg was starting to hurt, because he was wearing the prosthesis since early morning. He should have taken it off by now, but he couldn't do it yet. He was trying to get his mind away from the pain when Jess finally spoke, not looking at him.

"He loves you more than anything, you should know that."

Dean looked at her, forgetting the pain for a moment.

"He didn't do it on purpose. He hid it because he loves you. I couldn't understand at first either, but now I do. He told me you always did everything for him, and you would have given up on me for him if you knew. I don't agree with the fact that he hid this. He should have told us the truth. But Sam has the biggest heart in the whole world. He put himself last, he decided to suffer instead of watching you suffering."

Dean didn't say anything.

"Take this as an opportunity to start things over with your brother. Take care of him as I'm sure he did for you when you had your car crash. He's gonna need you more than ever, even if he won't admit it. We won't be together Dean. We can't, he won't do that to you. We talked about it. He chose you, Dean. He knows he can't do that to you, and even though it hurts like hell and always will, I understand. I'd do the same. He gave up on us for you. And yet, you refuse to talk to him."

There were tears rolling down her face, and he realized he had them too. He buried his face in his hands. Jess got closer and rubbed a hand on his back.

"You're a great guy Dean. And I know you're also hurt. But it's time to try to let it go. Sam was given a second chance, and you should take it. Make things up with your brother. I'll get away from you guys, you won't see me anymore. It will be easy for all of us."

She got up.

"Just… take care of Sam, okay?" Her voice was trembling. He leaned down and kissed the top of Dean's head. "Just please, send me a message to say how's he doing okay? Or ask Jo to do it."

And she was gone.

Dean tried to hold back another wave of tears, but he couldn't. She was right. Sam did that for him, and he was ignoring his brother. He was a huge dick.

He waited until early morning, but he couldn't take it anymore, he was in too much pain. He was wearing the prosthetic leg for almost 24 hours now, and he just couldn't do it. He knew his stump was very swollen, and he needed to take the leg off. If he didn't, he would have serious problems, maybe he would have to go for weeks without wearing it, and that would really suck. God, he hated this, he just wanted to be there for Sam and he couldn't. He went to the ICU, limping, found a nurse and explained the situation. He asked if he could just take a look at his brother before going home to take care of his leg, and he would be back later. The nurse sympathized with him (he tried to gave him a killer look, and surprisingly it kinda worked) and allowed him in (after talking to the doctor) for 5 minutes.

Sam was on the bed, completely asleep, connected to a bunch of machines. His torso was bare, and he had a large bandage around it. There were also scratches and cuts on his arms and face, and there were some dressings on his body. He was very pale, but maybe he would be just fine. Dean took his hand and held it for a while, staring at him. He was gonna take care of his little brother. But to do that, he needed to take care of himself first.

He got home, took his leg off and took care of his very swollen stump. He wouldn't be able to use the leg until it went down, and he hated that, he was very used to have 2 full legs again. But that didn't matter, Sam needed him.

He laid down a little to give his leg and himself some rest, and set up the alarm on his cell so he would wake up one hour from now. And he allowed himself to get at least a little sleep.

**

Sam fully regained consciousness later that day, after waking up a few times but not being totally aware.

The first thing he noticed was Dean sitting on a plastic chair next to him, crutches leaning on the side of his bed. He was still feeling a little groggy. Dean leaned closer to him, but didn't get up.

"Hey, where's your leg?"

Dean laughed with relief.

"I'd say it's pretty much fully decomposed by now."

Sam rolled his eyes the best he could, his head was hurting like a bitch.

"I had it on for too long, so I have to give my poor half leg a little rest."

"What happened to me? What am I doing here?"

"You were coming home from work but decided to hug a tree on your way there."

Sam didn't remember much, just driving home. But he guessed he was fine, at least his whole body was there and he could feel it all. It could be worse. He looked at Dean and didn't know what to say. He didn't know if he was still mad at him or not, and he didn't dare asking. But Dean seemed to know what he was thinking.

"Hey Sam… I'm sorry okay? I understand why you did what you did, and I forgive you. Spending the night in a waiting room makes you think a lot… let's put this behind us okay? I'm here for you."

Sam was relieved, at least something good came out of this. He wondered if Jess knew what happened, but didn't dare asking. He wouldn't push his luck that far.

**

Sam was released from the hospital a few days later, and Dean got in charge of taking care of him. He was still sore from his broken ribs and everything, so he spent most of the day in bed.

He was glad he had Dean back, but he missed Jess. He wanted to talk to her, see her, but he knew he shouldn't. He knew he had to forget her, he just didn't know how.

Two days after he got home, he was in bed watching TV when Dean got in and sat beside him.

"What's up?"

He had a permanent smile on his face and Sam was curious.

"I got you a Christmas present Sammy."

"It's not even September yet Dean."

"I know. But this couldn't wait."

He looked like a big child. He nodded towards the door and there was Jess, smiling at him. He was hallucinating, maybe a late effect from the head trauma. But he blinked and she didn't disappear, so maybe it was real. He looked at Dean.

"What is this Dean?"

"My present for you Sammy, as I said. I thought a lot and I can't get it the middle of this. I would never forgive myself. So do me a favor and make yourself happy at last."

Dean ruffled Sam's hair, winked at Jess and left the room.

She took Dean's place by his side on the bed and smiled at him.

"How are you feeling?"

"Confused."

She laughed. God, he missed that sound. She took his hand in hers.

"I was at the hospital the night of the accident. Dean and I had a talk, and I left, I decided to get away from you guys, it was the best thing for all of us. But yesterday Dean called me and we had a long talk. And he understood that it was nobody's fault, it was a prank destiny played on us, and you did what you did because you love him so much. So he demanded us to get together, otherwise he would kick both of our asses."

Sam was definitely dreaming, this was too good to be truth.

"Are you serious?"

"He gave us his blessing. He called bestman though."

Sam smiled, after a long while. He could finally be with Jess, and he would still have Dean. He had no words for what this meant to him. He had missed her for so long, he went through so much because of her, he was 100% sure they could never be together and now here they were.

He pulled her closer to him and kissed her on the lips, for a long time. He just couldn't believe he now could kiss her anytime he wanted. Maybe life was in fact good.

He pulled away and ran a hand through her hair.

"Promise me something?"

"Anything."

"Promise me you'll never forget about us?"

She smiled and pressed a kiss on his forehead.

"I never did."


	16. Epilogue

**Weeks Later**

Dean entered the diner to have lunch. He hadn't eaten there in a long time, ever since Jess and him broke up. But things were okay now, and she didn't even worked there anymore. She got a job at the college library a few weeks ago. He sat at a booth and looked at the menu. He was lost in thoughts.

Things were going great. When he first find out about the history between Sam and Jess, he was furious. He felt betrayed, he couldn't forgive the fact that Sam had hidden this from him. But his accident and the talk he had with Jess made him think about a lot of things. Even though he didn't agree with what Sam did, he understood him. Because Dean would have done the exact same thing for him. Sam put Dean first, and Dean could totally relate to that. He understood how painful was for Sam and Jess to be apart, how miserable his brother was, so he swallowed his pride and did something for them. And he had never seen his brother so happy in his life, so it was worth it. He had had feelings for her, but he was getting over it. The constant look of happiness in his brother's eyes was enough.

But he got something out of his relationship with Jessica. He learned how to have more self-confidence, he learned that somebody could actually like him for what he was. He would be eternally grateful to her for that. He was very proud of Sam too, he had left his job at Walgreen's, since he had finally got an internship in a prestigious law firm. He was completely sure his brother would become a fantastic lawyer.

Dean was also getting more of his life back. He was doing occasional hunts, mostly when a local hunter needed a back-up. He didn't plan on getting on the road again though. He loved and missed that, but he preferred the life he had now. He was very happy to be living with both of his brothers now, specially Sam, after spending a few years away from him. He wouldn't trade that for anything.

They had to tell Jess about the hunting thing, after he got home covered in blood, after killing a vampire, and she was there. At first she freaked out thinking he was deadly hurt, and then, that he had murdered someone, but they sat her down and explained everything, even showed her John's journal. She surprisingly believed them. That's when Dean knew for sure she really loved Sam and was the right girl for him.

He was lost in thoughts when a waitress approached the table.

"Hey there! What can I get you?"

He looked up and saw a beautiful girl he didn't know.

"Hey… are you new here?"

She smiled at him and he couldn't help smiling back. It was contagious.

"In fact I am… I started here a couple of weeks ago, replacing a girl that quit."

Dean kept smiling at her. She had amazing brown eyes and auburn hair. She was beautiful.

"Nice to meet you, then. I'm Dean." He offered his hand to her. "And you are…"

"Tish." She took his hand and shook it.

"Tish? Cool name there."

She laughed. He liked the sound.

"Actually it's a nickname."

"And may I ask your real name?"

"Oh sorry baby, but if I told you I'd have to kill you. Actually I'm saving it for when I meet someone special."

He was still smiling. "Interesting. Well… nice to meet you, Tish."

He made his order, and kept going back to the diner everyday. He tried to deny it, but the truth is, he wanted to see Tish again. He loved talking to her, she was beautiful and funny, and he was always anxious for lunch break, so he could finally see her.

He told Sam about her, and he convinced him to ask her out. And he did. On a Friday, when she brought him the check, he took a deep breath and asked her.

"Hey Tish, I was wondering if… I mean, would be a pleasure if you'd like to go out for dinner tonight with me."

He was blushing. And her smile was so wide, like she was expecting this for a long time.

"I would be very happy to."

Dean smiled back. He was happy with himself too. He had the confidence to ask a girl out without worrying about his leg. He didn't have the urge to tell her before asking her, to make sure she would be okay with it. Because he knew she would. She was that kind of girl with a genuine smile. He sensed he could trust her. He would sure tell her soon, but that wasn't the most important thing anymore. And it was a big relieve to realize that.

In the evening, he pulled up in front of her house, she was waiting for him by the door. She entered the car and he smiled at her. She was even more beautiful. He couldn't resist and kissed her on the cheek. She blushed.

"You look beautiful, Tish. As always."

She gave him the most genuine smile, like there was no other place she'd rather be that night.

"Thank you Dean. By the way, Tish is short for Platisha. Lame, I know."

He stared at her for a long time. Then, he finally started the car again and drove off.

"It's a beautiful name."

At that moment, their destination was the last thing in both their minds.

**The End.**


End file.
